A little about myself: posh family, judgemental families, betraying friends. That's pretty much it, really. And I'm 15.-nearly 16.
A while ago I had this teacher, let's call him Mr Guy, though not his real name, I don't want to mention any names. Yeah, and he was new and young, and apparently 'hot' like the girls in my class say. But I personally didn't really care, though I thought he was good looking I didn't really have a crush on him or was obsessed with him or anything like that. Then he starts getting me in trouble for the littlest things, like he'd let other people of if they do the same thing, but if it's me then bam I'm in trouble. That really irritated me, I mean why? What have I done?
So I knew he didn't like me for some 'odd' reason, and hence I didn't like him either. But then I had this long project I was stuck on (for a different subject, he doesn't teach). Even though it was a different subject, the project related to the subject he taught. And so my friends convinced me to ask him for help, but I was almost 100% sure he'd turn me down. Much to my surprise he actually helped me. And then he was also much more nicer to me in his lessons, I don't even know what happened. So I began being nice to him and I started liking him as a friend. Then the year ended and for the next year I didn't choose his subject, purely because I'm not good at it.
Over the summer, I realised I actually was missing him, and I told myself it's so wrong, but then again I didn't know why I was missing him. However, he began doing play ground duties at break. So I would go up to him and start talking. By this point, I've fallen in love with him, or at least like him too much.
Then people, other students, come up to me and ask me why I always talk to him and stuff which intimidated me. One time at break when I was talking with him, this group of girls came over and start talking to him as well. That's when he started acting weird, like he was talking to me like I was forcing him to talk to him and stuff which made me look like a complete idiot in front of the girls. They must've thought I was obsessed with him or something. Usually he talks more personally, like about his life, the stuff he won't talk about with anyone else to me, when I'm on my own. But when I'm with my friends or in front of others, he acts different. It might be because he doesn't want others to think there's something going on, I can understand that. But it hurts me a lot. To think he was one of the few people who've known me for me, and had been there for me is acting strange. I just wish things would've been as I hated him and he hated me and the year would've happily been over and I would not have been thinking about him regardless of him being on playground duty. If he's so scared he's going beyond his limits and so is acting different around others, then why did he start being more than a teacher to me in the first place? Why did he flirt and told me about his life when I was on my own?
This whole thing just makes me so angry, and sometimes I just think he used me because he was bored or something. But then it makes me so upset because I still love him regardless, and I've stopped talking to him for months.
And I'm trying to do something else, but the way I am now is due to him, since I was a terrible mess before. So it's not easy to just let go and forget about it and move on.
By the way, he's 23, and he's not some pervert who touches me inappropriately or anything, actually he'd never touched me at all. And he doesn't plan on using me for sex, or anything that sort,
I know it's not going to work out and I'm not going to marry him and live happily ever after. I know that. But it's just that the questions that are bugging me, why did he start getting involved with me more if he knows he's a teacher and am a student?
Thanks for your answers, but please nothing rude :)