I hate this.
this feeling of utter abandonment
of feeling so hurt, that your numb.
i hate being so weak.
so, so confused.
and the pain.
it takes everything away.
replaces it with a flash of heat that burns me inside and out.
then a flash freeze.
im shaken to my core.
frozen in place.
shaking violently as the shivers come.
wracking up and down my spine.
as I let it overwhelm me.
feel the shock of electricity that bites it's way doen my back.
a feeble sob that escapes me.
however, the tears wont come.
its scary, this feeling.
i dread the days they come.
i just want to be able, for once in my life to curl up in my mom's arms.
have her rock me back and forth like a child again.
i want to cry into her sshoulder.
tell her how much it hurts.
beg her to take the pain away.
but that wont ever happen.
becasue shes not like that, and she never will be.
but before I die,
i want to do one thing.
i want to experience true happiness.
i wasnt to be able to twirl around and around like a child again.
be filled with so much joy that I can sing.
sing at the top of my lungs.
sing until my lungs give out,
then maybe I could find peace.
ramblings of a crazy girl.
hopes of a defeated child.