Depression - Self Harm?

I honestly don't know where to begin.I never, ever talk about myself and I don't know where to turn.This just happened to be the first place I found and I have no idea what I'm doing here.

I'll start at the basics.I'm eighteen, a girl and I live in the UK.It's 2am and I am sitting in my room shaking and crying.

I'm scaring myself right now.I've been self harming for years now and no one has ever known aside from a few people I met online who I'm not all that close with.I've been clean for a good few months now but the urge is so unbearably strong.I feel like I'm going to and I'm scared at how bad it will be if I do.

I don't know where to turn and I'm just scared - terrified even.That's all I can think.I'm scared.

I don't know what to do.
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ifihadacat
No. It's not teenage angst. If not your family, at least go to the hospital, and ask them for programs that can help you with this. You have depression, you cut. You NEED to tell someone. This will get worse. Life has a lot to offer and you can't throw it away. You think it can't get better, but it can. Trust me. It's a struggle but it is worth is. First, you need to force yourself to be around people. Volunteer, call up friends, whatever it is, surround yourself with happy people. Exercise, and get out more. Force yourself, but you deserve to live life, you haven't seen the good stuff yet. You've only seen the crappy stuff.
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safetynet
I can't just tell anyone. My mum has enough trouble with PTSD and my friend went through too much with her sister and self harm and I don't think she could deal with it again.
I don't like people seeing me weak like this. I can barely tell people if I have an illness, never mind something this intense.
I can't just live life. I have no aspiration. No ambition. No where to go.
I think I might just be in a bundle of teenage angst, aha.
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ifihadacat
People love you, and you need to be strong through this, and it's okay to lean on others, that's what friends and family are supposed to be for. Life can be amazing, and fun and adventurous, and you need to start living your life and make it the BEST. So do this for yourself, and tell yourself you are strong, beautiful inside and out and you can stand up and beat this thing.
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safetynet
You need to tell a family member, or friend. Then you need to go to the hospital and get help. This is an addiction and you need to reach out to others for help when you most need it, before it takes over your life.
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safetynet

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