Family hates me
Posted by an anonymous user on 8/15/2008 6:40:00 PM
I made some really bad choices that caused me to lose my daughter to foster care. I had to go to jail and rehab. I'm in my 40's and have made one bad chioce after another. Well, now I'm ok, my daughter is back, but my family has totally turned their backs on me. I feel so lonely and depressed and hopeless and for the first time ever, bitter. I have become a virtual recluse and never leave my house unless it's to go to the store. I don't return phone calls, I don't do anything. I feel as if I have wasted my whole life making one mistake after another and now I have burned all my bridges and nothing is left to me. I don't have a job, because my job history is a joke. Bad credit. My son won't even bring my only grandchild to see me, and I miss my little girl desperatly. No one loves me any more, I think. I am a 2 year cancer survivor and now I'm starting to wish that I never survived. I think everyone would probably be relieved if I died anyway, that way no more wonderng what I'm gonna pull next. Why can't I just be a normal human being like everyone else? Why can't I just be like a soccer mom or something like that. Plus at my age, men don't even glance my way. So I'll probably be alone till I die and that scares me. I don't want to be this alone and empty.
Tags: die, alone, empty
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Tags: die, alone, empty
Comments
RSS feed for comments on this post.
um hi.
im a 15 year old girl..
i just wanted to say that i was adopted. My "real" mom made bad decisions and still is. She is a drug addict and gone to jail numerous times. I still havent seen her since i was 4 almost 5. I cant remember much of anything about her. But almost everynight i wish i could talk to her. i wish i could at least see her. I know everyone tells me she is bad and all. but i dont care. cause i know she still is a good person.
And im really glad you have your daughter back. I would do anything to have my mom back. So please be there for your her. i know i sound kind of silly but when i read: "No one loves me any more, I think. I am a 2 year cancer survivor and now I'm starting to wish that I never survived"
i wanted to comment you. So take this from a daughters point of view: your her mom. and if you cant prove to everyone else that your a good person.. its okay. Just keep on living. and keep your head up high :)
much love.
Sterling anne
im a 15 year old girl..
i just wanted to say that i was adopted. My "real" mom made bad decisions and still is. She is a drug addict and gone to jail numerous times. I still havent seen her since i was 4 almost 5. I cant remember much of anything about her. But almost everynight i wish i could talk to her. i wish i could at least see her. I know everyone tells me she is bad and all. but i dont care. cause i know she still is a good person.
And im really glad you have your daughter back. I would do anything to have my mom back. So please be there for your her. i know i sound kind of silly but when i read: "No one loves me any more, I think. I am a 2 year cancer survivor and now I'm starting to wish that I never survived"
i wanted to comment you. So take this from a daughters point of view: your her mom. and if you cant prove to everyone else that your a good person.. its okay. Just keep on living. and keep your head up high :)
much love.
Sterling anne
Posted by NightWorldGirl on 9/1/2008 1:40:00 AM (Report abuse)
Thank you, Lalarelle, and Steph. Kind words to a stranger means more to me then you realize. I may be a chronic fuck-up, but I have a kind heart, and who knows, maybe there is a reason for everything. Again, thanks...
Posted by Babyhedred on 8/18/2008 6:54:00 AM (Report abuse)
"Masakatsu Agatsu", this is a japanese phrase used by the founder of Akido, Morihei Ueshiba. It roughfully translates to "true victory is self-victory."
You have overcome some of the most common and most feared personal battles in the modern world, the battle with subtance abuse and the battle with cancer. For any and all mistakes you may have made you pulled yourself back up, you are alive. Be proud of that, for there are many or don't ever come lose.
What I meant by the quote above is that the only thing in life you have any control of is yourself. It's true you have suffered greatly, both as a result of your own mistakes and the unwillingness of others to forgive.
But you are here for a reason, it is not for me to say if that is due to divine intervention or your own willpower, but something pulled you through all those struggles, draw on that strenght once again. There is no knowing if your family will ever find the strenght in themselves to let go of the past, but you can.
And maybe someday that grandchild will come to you on there own and they will want to close the gap.
And apove all else know that you are not alone.
You have overcome some of the most common and most feared personal battles in the modern world, the battle with subtance abuse and the battle with cancer. For any and all mistakes you may have made you pulled yourself back up, you are alive. Be proud of that, for there are many or don't ever come lose.
What I meant by the quote above is that the only thing in life you have any control of is yourself. It's true you have suffered greatly, both as a result of your own mistakes and the unwillingness of others to forgive.
But you are here for a reason, it is not for me to say if that is due to divine intervention or your own willpower, but something pulled you through all those struggles, draw on that strenght once again. There is no knowing if your family will ever find the strenght in themselves to let go of the past, but you can.
And maybe someday that grandchild will come to you on there own and they will want to close the gap.
And apove all else know that you are not alone.
Posted by Lalarelle on 8/17/2008 1:10:00 PM (Report abuse)
What has happened in the past is something that you cannot change and something that you have learned and grown from. You need to love yourself and forgive yourself before anyone else can forgive you. Go out of your house, meet new people. Tell your story. You'll find there are people who want to hear it, and who want to listen. People don't hate you, they just don't understand you. Reach out, give it a try.
Posted by Steph on 8/17/2008 11:09:00 AM (Report abuse)