Fucked up teenagers always disgusted me. now im one too

i was like this when i was younger it lasted from about 13-14 until just recently actually i'm 27 i have spent the last 14 years of my life hating myself drinkin way too much smoking too much weed it was always one thing after another after another i gained 40lbs in 11th grade and not one single person said anything to my face i felt invisible.i continued to gain weight and people would always tell me that i had such a pretty face, it made me eat and gain more weight cause i knew what they were thinking my face was cute but the rest of me was discusting my mom abused me growing up i never knew i was worth anything cause my dad always took her side instead of mine always thought i was this fat nasty piece of garbage so why did it matter that i lost weight or dressed nice or stoped drinking nobody would eve have cared either way and the people who might have cared never said anything so i drank and smoked my pain in to a haze and stayed there for about 10 yrs of my life before i decided to turn it around and decided to love my self regardless of size, even if i was going to be homeless and broke i was going to love my self. (BESIDES CONFIDENCE IS WAY SEXIER THAN SKINNINESS) i turned it over to god and since i have it has gotten so so SO much better.if i can turn it around so can you,

BUT YOU HAVE TO WANT THINGS TO GET BETTER, and you have to believe things will turn around
you have to put in the hard work and not settle for second best ever again if nobody else is going to love you like you deserve than you have to pick up the pieces and move on with or without them this is your life there are no due overs no take backs live it to the fullestits not to late for good to come out of this but you have to be willing to put in the hard work if you are willing to do this when you look back it will all be worth it

Look... you will get passed this.