Heartbreak
I'm a quite passionate soul. When I love, I do so with every fiber of my being.
Yet, I have never found anyone who'd love me.After 19 years, no one but my family and friends have loved me and even then not in the way I've close to started to crave.
I am apparently a great friend, but never anything more.It slowly started to effect my elf-esteem and now I almost have none left.
I'm considered to have a great personality, fun to be with and even have a pretty face, but I'm clearly not someone to love since no one has yet.
I fell in love several years ago with a guy, the sweetest ever, over the internet and the feeling seemed to be mutual.However, he found a girlfriend in his area and we slowly but surely lost contact.
I recently mustered up the courage to get into contact with him again since I enjoyed chatting with him as one of the closest friends I've ever had, and the love I had almost buried and forgotten returned with a vengeance.We more or less resumed our friendship where we left off, flirting back and forth until we both admitted to liking each other.More then friends.I've never been so happy as those few days I thought someone actually loved me.
But it turned out I was a few months too late.Another girl he had also met over the internet has already stolen his heart and he tried to let me down gently before it became to painful.The damage is already done though.I've never suffered such a heartbreak before and I don't know what to do with myself.
It hurt's no matter what I do and it's starting to affect everything else too.
I can no longer sing because I cannot summon up the joy I usually feel when I sing.I cannot read without having my mind wandering, and it's become hard to sleep.
I don't let my friends notice if I can help it, because they don't even know I fell in love in the first place, and I don't want to have them worry.
But going to school today was pure torture.I usually smile a lot, but today I could hardly give even a single smile.
Everything I do reminds me of my heartbreak and I don't think my self-esteem will get any better anytime soon.This was more or less a confirmation of what I've always wondered; if I'm good enough for anyone.Apparently not.
It's so terribly painful and while I crave someone to love me I'm not sure I could put my heart on the line again for a pain like this.I took a chance with this guy and bared my heart, letting myself hope since he told me he liked me too, and a lot more then friends.I quite honestly don't know if it's worth it any longer.
It's felt for a long time as if I'll never find someone to love me and with this last heartbreak it might just be true....
I just don't know what is wrong with me. What makes me so different, so undesirable?
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Yet, I have never found anyone who'd love me.After 19 years, no one but my family and friends have loved me and even then not in the way I've close to started to crave.
I am apparently a great friend, but never anything more.It slowly started to effect my elf-esteem and now I almost have none left.
I'm considered to have a great personality, fun to be with and even have a pretty face, but I'm clearly not someone to love since no one has yet.
I fell in love several years ago with a guy, the sweetest ever, over the internet and the feeling seemed to be mutual.However, he found a girlfriend in his area and we slowly but surely lost contact.
I recently mustered up the courage to get into contact with him again since I enjoyed chatting with him as one of the closest friends I've ever had, and the love I had almost buried and forgotten returned with a vengeance.We more or less resumed our friendship where we left off, flirting back and forth until we both admitted to liking each other.More then friends.I've never been so happy as those few days I thought someone actually loved me.
But it turned out I was a few months too late.Another girl he had also met over the internet has already stolen his heart and he tried to let me down gently before it became to painful.The damage is already done though.I've never suffered such a heartbreak before and I don't know what to do with myself.
It hurt's no matter what I do and it's starting to affect everything else too.
I can no longer sing because I cannot summon up the joy I usually feel when I sing.I cannot read without having my mind wandering, and it's become hard to sleep.
I don't let my friends notice if I can help it, because they don't even know I fell in love in the first place, and I don't want to have them worry.
But going to school today was pure torture.I usually smile a lot, but today I could hardly give even a single smile.
Everything I do reminds me of my heartbreak and I don't think my self-esteem will get any better anytime soon.This was more or less a confirmation of what I've always wondered; if I'm good enough for anyone.Apparently not.
It's so terribly painful and while I crave someone to love me I'm not sure I could put my heart on the line again for a pain like this.I took a chance with this guy and bared my heart, letting myself hope since he told me he liked me too, and a lot more then friends.I quite honestly don't know if it's worth it any longer.
It's felt for a long time as if I'll never find someone to love me and with this last heartbreak it might just be true....
I just don't know what is wrong with me. What makes me so different, so undesirable?
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I have been in this same story. I am only a year older, but maybe love is a later thing for you. enjoy your youth,family and friends. some people don't have anything, if you let your sadness eat away at you it will turn into bitterness and hatred. Trust me i know. i live this life. i was born broken and i will die shattered, but you are a normal and noble person. love will find you. for 6 long years i've hated and loved only one girl who betrayed me. and the sad thing is she doesnt even realize how hurt i still am, hell even if she did,wouldnt really care. at least ur friend did care and didnt lie to you.
Posted by akasha6501 on 5/31/2010 2:17:00 AM (Report abuse)