Husband makes me feel SO ugly and unwanted i hate myself

We have been married 31/2 years now in the past 18 months I had 3 miscarriages and my mother died from lung cancer and since those things he makes me feel so unwanted comes home from work and ushually plays games on his phone or gets online till bed and when I talk to him I have to repeat myself over and over and then he gets mad at me.tonight I found a playboy magazine hidden in his work backpack when looking for batterys and after the miscarriages I have gained like 20lbs and so I feel absolutly nasty and finding that he is looking at other women naked behind my back makes me wish I could just not wake up in the morning sometimes.i have made alot of mistakes but I wish he realized if he would put down the electronics and have talked to me I never woulda done the things I did.I love him so much I just wish I didnt fail him making him want to look at naked women instead of me.I cry everynight because I feel like he thinks I am not attractive and finding that magazine proved to me that I am discusting and not worth anything.when I lost my babies part of me died each time and he never even held my hand or hugged me to say I love you to me.I guess I am just that ugly and worthless
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uglyfatarmywife
I agree with *Cynic
That's all I have to say
-Max
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ThatOneEmoDude
what the hellllll. I'm still wondering why you are with this guy. Get a backbone and leave him you could do so much better. Have some self respect. Be glad you don't have kids with this guy, would you really want your kids to have a father like him who doesn't care at all? Trust me, its not you, its this guy who sounds like the type of guy who doesnt see what he has. Seriously I would get a divorce lawyer right now!!!!!!! Have some self respect and obviously after such horrible things all happen at once you have to realise this guy is worthless to have around, not you. GET A BACKBONE!!!! I dont care....3 years is too long...you shouldn't spend another minute with such a person. Do it and see how much better you feel, the freedom will surprise you.
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safetynet