I don't even know who i am anymore

Posted by an anonymous user on 8/13/2008 8:15:00 PM

i used to be the normal smart girl to them. but now im no less than a bitch in there eyes.
i used to be that girl. who get straight A's and friendly to everyone. loving, and loved by few.

then one summer, i met this girl. whom screwed my life upside down. i trusted her, believed in her, not knowing why or how, she gave me a will to be like her, a will to change. some of my cousins warned me of her. told me to stay away from her but i never listened.

so well in the past, i never even dared calling someone a donkey! lol my mother would punish me for a month for that.

so me and this "new friend" became very close, we started calling each others bitches, whores and still would be friends, just like any normal best friends. then things started to get worst. she introduced me to this whole bunch of guys she knew. who're addicted to porn and stuff. she used to like one of those guys ( lets call him A ) but he had a girlfriend. she forced me to help in breaking A and his gf for her. she convinced me that his gf only wants him for sex and that she's using him and stuff( and we both know that he's addicted to porn so yeah) and that was only the start. i don't know how, she convinced me that im in love with As best friend ( lets call him B ) because me and B were really close and i only liked him and B used to like me too. so i became his gf for one day, and i left him! i don't know why, i think i really liked him. and till this day im regreting it.
so anyway, without getting into the details, i was the follower. her follower. and she's the leader. my leader. i did everything she told me to do. and whenever she gets into a problem, i help her get out of it. i always calm her down and all. so you could say i was the perfect best friend.
i helped in destroying many relationships, and many other wrong stuff.
and one day i came to the realization of all what i've done.
so i was on msn and she was like:
her: hey bitch, wuts up
me: don't call me bitch
her: bitch Bitch BITCH!
me: stop it or else...
her: or what? you cant do anything to me
me: bet on it
her: haha no matter what you do, or what you say.. you'll always be a bitch or did you forget all the evil things that we've done together?
i didn't say anything
her: including breaking B's heart
me: whatever, i wanna change, i really want my parents to be proud of me again
her: haha, your parents will never be proud of you.. did you forget? YOU'RE A BITCH HUNI!

so anyway after few days i blocked her from my list. and blocked her calls.
she sent me a msg saying that she's sorry and that she wanna change too, and being the stupid me, i replyed her : hoping that the change she's gonna make will lead her to good thing and a better person.

and since that day i never spoke to her again.
i really feel sorry and guilty for all what i've done.
and i trullyy want to be a different person and make my parents, no, but my whole family proud.
i'm sorry "B" for breaking your heart
i'm sorry "A" for everything
i'm sorry dad for disappointing you
i'm sorry mum for not being the good girl you've ever wanted
i'm sorry cousins for not believing you
i'm sorry everyone :(

i want to leave all this behind
but i can't seem to be able to
please help :(




Tags: bitch, whore, sorry, regret, family

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