I don’t quite know where to start...
Posted by Twister468 on 6/9/2008 9:32:00 PM
...Perhaps that is just how I am, I tend to just keep things to myself. I guess I will just make a list.
- I think about death a lot, but contrary to what you might think, I am not suicidal, or emo, or whatnot. In fact, its quite the opposite, I feel scared of it, even knowing I will most likely live for more than 60 more years. I'm scared of what will come next, of the thought that I will just disappear from this world, and with time the memory of me will fade. Though I have been agnostic all my life, it is mainly motivated by my fear of the unknown. I wonder if there really is a Heaven beyond my passing. I hope there is. Sometimes I pray, and often it feels like I get a response, even for a little moment, but on the other hand there are times when I pray for something, and nothing happens, all is still the same. I wish man were immortal, or at least I could be immortal in another world after death. If all else fail, I hope there is place called “Limbo” Cause that where I think I’ll be going after I die.
- I wish I were liked more at school, or just in general. Sometimes I think its because I am different, I am a minority in the US, it is harder for me to make friends, but something deep inside me tells me that’s not true, its just because of the way I am. I try to be nice to people, and not be so introverted, but I'm beginning to feel that one really can't change their innate personality too much. Or maybe I am just not trying hard enough. I don’t know. I wish I did. I wish sometimes there would be someone to tell me how to act. I feel like I am casting pearls before swine. Caring and begin loyal to people who don’t deserve it.
- Sometimes I feel I do not live up to my parents' expectations. Even though I know that it is my life and not my parents', I still feel I owe them a successful future for all the effort they have put to make me what I am.
- I met this boy last year. He is one of my best friends. He made me believe in love again. Since that trip we took to New York this year, I wanted him more than ever. But I had just graduated high school and is heading off to college in January and he would still have two more years of high school. I am not sure how that would work out. As much as I want to tell him everything… I can’t. I don’t want to start something that I can’t finish
-I have so many dreams and goal in the back of my mind. I am afraid that I won’t be able to reach any of them. There are two things that I wanted to be: A baker/owner at a high scale bakery in New York on Broadway. Or be a Backstage technician for Broadway musicals such as the Lion King or Chicago and ECT.
- I hope that the second half of my life is better than my first.
Tags: life, death, hope, afterlife, dream, friends
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- I think about death a lot, but contrary to what you might think, I am not suicidal, or emo, or whatnot. In fact, its quite the opposite, I feel scared of it, even knowing I will most likely live for more than 60 more years. I'm scared of what will come next, of the thought that I will just disappear from this world, and with time the memory of me will fade. Though I have been agnostic all my life, it is mainly motivated by my fear of the unknown. I wonder if there really is a Heaven beyond my passing. I hope there is. Sometimes I pray, and often it feels like I get a response, even for a little moment, but on the other hand there are times when I pray for something, and nothing happens, all is still the same. I wish man were immortal, or at least I could be immortal in another world after death. If all else fail, I hope there is place called “Limbo” Cause that where I think I’ll be going after I die.
- I wish I were liked more at school, or just in general. Sometimes I think its because I am different, I am a minority in the US, it is harder for me to make friends, but something deep inside me tells me that’s not true, its just because of the way I am. I try to be nice to people, and not be so introverted, but I'm beginning to feel that one really can't change their innate personality too much. Or maybe I am just not trying hard enough. I don’t know. I wish I did. I wish sometimes there would be someone to tell me how to act. I feel like I am casting pearls before swine. Caring and begin loyal to people who don’t deserve it.
- Sometimes I feel I do not live up to my parents' expectations. Even though I know that it is my life and not my parents', I still feel I owe them a successful future for all the effort they have put to make me what I am.
- I met this boy last year. He is one of my best friends. He made me believe in love again. Since that trip we took to New York this year, I wanted him more than ever. But I had just graduated high school and is heading off to college in January and he would still have two more years of high school. I am not sure how that would work out. As much as I want to tell him everything… I can’t. I don’t want to start something that I can’t finish
-I have so many dreams and goal in the back of my mind. I am afraid that I won’t be able to reach any of them. There are two things that I wanted to be: A baker/owner at a high scale bakery in New York on Broadway. Or be a Backstage technician for Broadway musicals such as the Lion King or Chicago and ECT.
- I hope that the second half of my life is better than my first.
Tags: life, death, hope, afterlife, dream, friends
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it will be. you can be whatever you want to be, just bc it doesnt fit the mold of what everyone else thinks is successful, whatever you think is successful is what matters. im a bit older than you, i think about the "after death" thing all the time..is it like a tv screen that goes out and gets all fuzzy when its late night and nothings on? thats kinda what i imagine. i dont think your personality needs work, you seem pretty okay to me. maybe its the people you are trying to get along with. i bet theres plenty of people (in fact i know there are) that think and feel the exact things you are, you just need to find them. and going to college is going to be the best part of the new start to your "second half" of life! you will be able to meet so many more people who are "different" (for lack of a better word) but probably similar to you. just dont let your insecurities get the best of you. and as for the boy, if you really feel that strongly and feel like he feels the same then tell him, ive been 100% honest to every person ive ever had "loving" feelings for and its worked out every time. start enjoying your life! and good luck with the bakery! i think its a stellar idea!
Posted by D on 6/11/2008 9:36:00 AM (Report abuse)