My Friend (K) Has a Big brother that is 17(L).He picks me up every morning for school.We tell each other everything.So I guess you could say that he's my best guy-friend.Secretly I have a crush on him.Well it's not a secret anymore.Well I mean, he's the only one that knows that I like him.He told me some of his big secrets..I promised Him that I would keep them.I also told him some of mine.One night He texted me saying "Can I be honest?(:" I was hoping he was going to say that he likes me.But I was way off.Instead he said that if I wanted to do things then he was down for it.I agreed to it not thinking straight.The next day (Thursday) I got in a fight at school & got OSS for beating the shit out of her.On Friday (L) Texted me while he was at school and wanted to hang out that night.I was scared to hang out because I knew exactly what he wanted to do.So I tried making up excuses of why I can't hang out with him.But I like him so much so I just said alright.He said he would be there at 10:00.He showed up at exactly 10:00.I walked outside and got in his car.I was soo nervous.So then I said "I'm so shaky".He asked me why.I just said because.& he was like don't worry I'm nervous to.I made him feel my hand to show him how nervous I was.& he grabbed my hand and pulled it to his chest.His hearts was beating really fast.Then we started to make out.The By the time I knew it all of my cloths were off.I was so caught up in the moment and so was he.We weren't planning on having sex..But it happend ..After we were done I got my cloths on.Then (L) and I talked for about 10 minutes.Then I gave him a hug and kiss and I got out of the car .That was the night that I lost my virginity and he lost his.The Next morning (Saturday) We desided that we weren't going to do anything anymore.But that night I was staying at his house to hang out with (K) my bestfriend.That night When (L) got home from work (12:00 am) He woke me up and I went to his room.We hung out on his bed for a while playing golf and Mw3 On his bed.I started to fall asleep.It was About 3 when he started kissing my neck to wake me up.Then we started to make out.He wanted to do more.But I was like I don't feel like it tonight.So we started making out again.We didn't have sex this time.I just went down on him..After we were done, I went back to kaylees room and went to sleep.Sunday Night (L) took me home.I texted him at 6 and He never texted back till about 10.He doesn't talk to me unless he wants something.Like He talks to me in person cause were like bestfriends now.But Not over text.I mean , should I give up? Like stop texting him and wait for him to text me?
I don't know.But I have gotten stronger feelings ever since we had sex.
I just feel used.