I want a truthful answer, not just an obligation
Posted by an anonymous user on 8/1/2008 6:34:00 PM
I wrote this a long time ago, and everyone tells me that they love it but I wonder if they're just saying that, so I guess I want people's opinions who don't even know me, because I know that they will be the truth :) here it is:
a gun holds no bullets, except the ones that keep your fears company. the melody surrounds us and keeps us in tune, in line. ripped apart like paper machete, cut in pieces like a paper snowflake I wander the city and walk in rhythm with my heart. feel the sun bleed through the sky and paint a picture in my mind to better remember this moment. file it away in my soul along with other forgotten memories. I miss you. is it really the rain that falls on my rooftop every night? or just a manifestation of who I am? I was fully awake last night when I dreamt I heard you tap on my window. fumbling around, I found the window to your thoughts and secrets but absentmindedly forgot to open it. bathe in the trembling moonlight and fall asleep on the grass. prick your finger on a spinning wheel and guess my name. whoops, wrong again. I like the way you understand, but I'm afraid of your inconsistency. a butterfly finds home at last but is crushed by a truck speeding by. there are safety pins in my eyes and my finger tips yearn for your skin. the stars are losing their shine and I feel myself following the same pattern. there's an untouched hammer next to the walls around my soul. draw two intercepting lines across your heart. x marks the spot. you leave me so confused and thoughtful. i'm afraid of what will fall out of my mouth through the potholes of my confusion. the lid that rests on the teakettle of my feelings is starting to decay. I've never been able to whistle before. was it you who made me feel this way? or was it my dreams and lack of self-esteem? self-hatred eats away at our bones and leaves us with only a gun and a single bullet. I'm scared of how the end will look and what your expression will be like when we get there. my brain is diminishing and the hourglass of my life is slowly crumbling to nothing. could you love me anyway?
soo, what do you think?
Tags: poetry, poems
Comments
RSS feed for comments on this post.
a gun holds no bullets, except the ones that keep your fears company. the melody surrounds us and keeps us in tune, in line. ripped apart like paper machete, cut in pieces like a paper snowflake I wander the city and walk in rhythm with my heart. feel the sun bleed through the sky and paint a picture in my mind to better remember this moment. file it away in my soul along with other forgotten memories. I miss you. is it really the rain that falls on my rooftop every night? or just a manifestation of who I am? I was fully awake last night when I dreamt I heard you tap on my window. fumbling around, I found the window to your thoughts and secrets but absentmindedly forgot to open it. bathe in the trembling moonlight and fall asleep on the grass. prick your finger on a spinning wheel and guess my name. whoops, wrong again. I like the way you understand, but I'm afraid of your inconsistency. a butterfly finds home at last but is crushed by a truck speeding by. there are safety pins in my eyes and my finger tips yearn for your skin. the stars are losing their shine and I feel myself following the same pattern. there's an untouched hammer next to the walls around my soul. draw two intercepting lines across your heart. x marks the spot. you leave me so confused and thoughtful. i'm afraid of what will fall out of my mouth through the potholes of my confusion. the lid that rests on the teakettle of my feelings is starting to decay. I've never been able to whistle before. was it you who made me feel this way? or was it my dreams and lack of self-esteem? self-hatred eats away at our bones and leaves us with only a gun and a single bullet. I'm scared of how the end will look and what your expression will be like when we get there. my brain is diminishing and the hourglass of my life is slowly crumbling to nothing. could you love me anyway?
soo, what do you think?
Tags: poetry, poems
Comments
RSS feed for comments on this post.
Hey caitlin.
That might sound creepy except its catrina writing this so Im allowed to creeperize on you. I knew when I read the first line it was you writing it because thats one of my favoritelines you've ever writen except for "I have dreamt in color, But I've never been able to find the right colors to paint my own dreams" When I say I love your writing its not because your one of my best friends. its becuase you are amazing at writing. Anway I will see you tomorrow.
-Love,
Catrina-na.
That might sound creepy except its catrina writing this so Im allowed to creeperize on you. I knew when I read the first line it was you writing it because thats one of my favoritelines you've ever writen except for "I have dreamt in color, But I've never been able to find the right colors to paint my own dreams" When I say I love your writing its not because your one of my best friends. its becuase you are amazing at writing. Anway I will see you tomorrow.
-Love,
Catrina-na.
Posted by an anonymous user on 9/17/2008 7:54:00 PM (Report abuse)
You are an amazing writer. I am a writer and am working on a book right now. I love your symbolism and the personifications you use throughout the entire poetic story you have written. It pleases me to think that such talent, like your own, exists out in this world. This world is desperate and thirsty for your creativity. I loved it.
Posted by Ap4ever on 8/2/2008 8:01:00 PM (Report abuse)
Thank you all, so much.
You don't know how much it made me smile to read all of your comments :)
You don't know how much it made me smile to read all of your comments :)
Posted by Poster on 8/2/2008 5:27:00 PM (Report abuse)
I really didn't think i would read all that
i honestly think it's amazing.
"I was fully awake last night when I dreamt I heard you tap on my window."
seriously, amazing. :)
i honestly think it's amazing.
"I was fully awake last night when I dreamt I heard you tap on my window."
seriously, amazing. :)
Posted by Joti on 8/2/2008 7:11:00 AM (Report abuse)
OMG! I fricken love it! I had pictures flashing through my mind.
Posted by SKRATCH! on 8/2/2008 2:27:00 AM (Report abuse)
Thank you, I really appreciate that.
Lol, I'm usually a nutjob about using proper grammar and things like that, but I decided not to capitalize in the poem hehe
Thanks again :)
Lol, I'm usually a nutjob about using proper grammar and things like that, but I decided not to capitalize in the poem hehe
Thanks again :)
Posted by Poster on 8/1/2008 11:08:00 PM (Report abuse)
It's like the stream of consciousness type of poetry. I think it's pretty good except, well, I'm a stickler for proper grammar. But that's not really my call. (:
Posted by Penguin on 8/1/2008 8:54:00 PM (Report abuse)
It was very good, but there was many things going on that I got a bit confused. That might just be me, though. Also I like how you described everything. ^_^
Posted by Bliss on 8/1/2008 7:25:00 PM (Report abuse)