and no one knows it.
i hate EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.
i hate my family especially.everyday, not just when I'm pissed.
i always hate them.every time I see them I want to kill them.
i wish they would all just go away and never come back
i hate them all
im so scared when people hate me
im so scared to do things but I do them anyways
im so scared of everything
im scared of tests and of school and friends and I'm scared to go home at night because every day my low low low self esteem is knocked down.
"you're so lazy."
"you're so useless."
"you're such a wimp."
"you're not smart.you're stupid."
i want out.out out out.
i want somewhere to go.
there's nowhere that feels safe to me.
not home, not my bedroom, not school, not even the bathroom.
no where nowhere nowhere nowhere
im so scared.
i just want to die.
it hurts.it hurts so much.
the only thing I love is music and even that I hate because I cant do it.
i cant play it, I suck at piano, I suck at guitar, I cant sing.
my music makes it hurt more because I know i'll never be able to scream out into the crowd "sing it with me! "
my writing isn't even safe.
im scared for it to be read.
i know i'll never ask for it to be published.
my parents wouldnt go for it.
they dont think I'm good.
but I try.
i really do.
everything makes me want to cry.
i cant talk to people.
i am so good at putting on a happy facade now.
but inside I just want to crumple up and die.
i want it all to be over.