I want to die.

I hate the whole world.
and no one knows it.
i hate my family especially.everyday, not just when I'm pissed.
i always hate them.every time I see them I want to kill them.
i wish they would all just go away and never come back
i hate them all

im so scared when people hate me
im so scared to do things but I do them anyways
im so scared of everything
im scared of tests and of school and friends and I'm scared to go home at night because every day my low low low self esteem is knocked down.
"you're fat."
"you're so lazy."
"you're so useless."
"you're such a wimp."
"you're not smart.you're stupid."

i want out.out out out.
i want somewhere to go.
there's nowhere that feels safe to me.
not home, not my bedroom, not school, not even the bathroom.
no where nowhere nowhere nowhere
im scared.
im so scared.
i just want to die.
it hurts.it hurts so much.

the only thing I love is music and even that I hate because I cant do it.
i cant play it, I suck at piano, I suck at guitar, I cant sing.
my music makes it hurt more because I know i'll never be able to scream out into the crowd "sing it with me! "

my writing isn't even safe.
im scared for it to be read.
i know i'll never ask for it to be published.
my parents wouldnt go for it.
they dont think I'm good.
but I try.
i really do.

everything makes me want to cry.
i cant talk to people.
i am so good at putting on a happy facade now.

but inside I just want to crumple up and die.
i want it all to be over.
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I can relate. I am currently at such an incredible low. I want to kill myself but I'm scared. I am pained by so many things. I hardly open up to anyone, I keep it in and suffer on my own. I cry myself to sleep more than often. I'm tired of feeling useless, defeated and depressed. I want nothing more than for it all to end. I want to be happy. Like genuinely happy. Wonder if I would ever be. I have no advice for you because I am in the same boat. People always tell me to pray but nothing ever changes for me when I do. Maybe your case will be different. Pray
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dont kill yourself because you be suprised how many people like you
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Please, don't end your life...people like us have to stick together...People can make you feel like shit, but its ourselves that can do the most damage. Try to forget what they say and think. Just smile, and concentrate on doing the things you love, regardless of if you suck or not, your ability shouldn't thwart you from doing things you love... I know what I'm saying probably won't make much sense...but learning to love yourself is probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in this lifetime. Take life each day as it comes, and forget what the rest say...

Please, email me or add me on MSN sims_2_maniac@hotmail.com
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it helped me out a lot, i hope it'll help you too
oh & feel free to e-mail me any time bnwranbo@yahoo.com
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dont say that you ass.live an enjoy life!
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