ok people i will tell you.
when i started hitting puberty, my dad started looking at me differently, and when he looked at me it was like a crush in grade 7 or soemthing. he acted so innocent, like it was me, or something, and in front of everyone else he acted innocent. one time he asked me if i was putting on make-up for him. when i was 11 i sleeping half naked, my door was open, he was passing through the halls and i cought his eye, he kept staring, and when i started to open my eyes he ran away. he slamped my ass alot, i think he told my step mom, who was worse, she is evil, and they always looked at each other like i was doing something wrong, like sexually wrong, when i was just talking or smilig or something, and then this thing went on and my step mom thought i wanted her or soemthing. idc there both sick and insane. oh btw my dad choose his wife over me.
Everytime i walked into that room and she was there, she gave me the dirtyest looks, she was the most jealous, evil bitch , she wanted my dad all to herself. she was all nice and then went all mean. it's hard to explain. you'd have to be there. u'd have to be me. just whenever i went into that tiny condo i felt like somone wanted me dead, it was so uncomfortable, i hated her, i wanted to die everyday when i lived there, and then the bitch criticed my mom and grandma. when they broke up she said shit about my family. and he didn't even say anything. i hate her! she's so evil. she surposley took me away from him. LOL oh god this secret has turned into two lol. anyways whenever i looked at him, i couldn't coz it was like an awkward crush, but it wasn't obviously. and everytime i hugged him or leaned agaist him he acted werid. he would make this noise like i liiked him or soemthing. he is crazy, insane. One time i was hugging him coz i didn't see him in a while and i pulled him closer coz i really missed him and he was my daddy and he made that noise again. idk everytime he did this, anything, i felt sick to my stomach, when i looked at him he would make this face, agaion like i wanted him. and again, hard to explain you'd have to be there, u'd have to be me. like ur supposed to look at someone when u talk? he makes no sense..i hate it i can't tell anyone, the truth, they always ask "why don you see ur dad" and i can tell them :( my mom always says shit to me like "ur being os mean to him he has a good heart" she has no idea, i know him differently,i know him more, it sounds werid but it's true. yes i don't see my dad because of my step-mom which btw being with her changed him in a bad way and all my family noticed. and he married her 6 months into the realtionship, he almost married her before i met her. and then 3 months of knowing her they got married, were ginna have a baby but it died in her, and she had to still go throigh labour, this sounds cruel, but after all they put me throuhg i don't care , her pain makes me smile.
Yeah so the worst thing is, i can't tell anybody, i can't tellmy mom why, she tells me shit, yes i don't wana see my dad or talk to him coz of my step mom, but thats just my back-up reason, but it's the truth at the same time, if she wasn't in the picture, idk what i would tell people. but there broken up now, and im sure he hasn't changed, but even if he did, i still would refuse to talk to him, he is sick, he makes my tummy hurt, he makes me cry, he's sick, he's insane,but i can't dare tell anybody, they'll think im insane or seeing things anyways. i hate when they say that! they wern't fucking there!!!! :(:( i can't tell them, they wouldn't understand and they wouldn't believe me, and it would embrass the fuck out of me,
So yeah, that is why i want to fuck old men, coz i think idk but somehow i think fucking them will comfort me.