I want to kill myself

I'm preganant again, my job sucks I'm the only black loser here without a college degree.My kids suck.I have acne...the list goes on and on...I rather just end it all..with helium and nitrogen
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killurself
Hi im 11 I want to kill my self my best friend moved away my sister bullies me 24/7 I am the weird one at school I practically have no friends when my sister usually bullies me it sounds like this "kill your self" "I hate you" "idiot" "moron" and my mom or dad doesn't care about me at all they just sit back and watch it happen I've told my mom I think about suicide but she didn't care my dad yells at me for the smallest things I have 2 sister and 3 brothers to talk about my other sister yells at me for every thing I do my brother has never said I love you he is 28 my other brother is really the only reason I haven't killed myself and my last brother only cares about his job so what should I do.
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cookiesroxx
what the fuck? i dont feel like doing homework anymore... im tired of being a full-time student ..brings too much responsiblity and want to something else with my time.. but even then i try and everything ends up failing on me ...i just want to kill myself because im not happy aobut life ...im always sad because my great aunt is dying and dont want her to go...plus ive lost communication all of my family and didnt get along with my other family because of me being different...but i hate seeing people have to go in my life...and my grandma whom iive remembered forever is constanly sick and doesnt get around as mucbh anymore ...has to walk in a cain... i could never imagine her doing that..im so stressed and wish i were dead
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non3930
man, i am stressed...tired of having to deal with shit from work and school...dont want to be enrolled in this** class anymore..its stressing me out just like my home, church, and work ... i cant function around people....people think im weird just cuz i dont talk..im not like everyone else and dont care to be.. dont care what i look like either as my dad wants me to care.. i just dont give a fuck about life... i want to die so i wont have to deal with pressure from friends, family, work and school....
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non3930
Hi, i am ready to kill myself right now. for now i am sick and tired of the pressures that life bring. for example, i have to deal with people think i am different and i have social anxiety. I dont like being around people and when i do, i just feel like cutting....i get overwhelmed when people smile or look at me... i just want to be alone and die.. im tired of having to try in life and it not getting no where...
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non3930
My life is a living hell. I was born into a family full of child molesters, alcoholics, drug addicts, abusive in every way, manipulative and every other bad thing in this stupid worthless world. I was raped when I was 14 by a guy who was supposed to be my friend and thought I was in love with someone who turned out to be a child molester. I tried killing myself after I found out and when in the hospital my father told me not to tell anyone that he knew about me being raped so that he would not have to pay the bill. I spent a week in the mental hospital. When I went back home my father would threaten to put me back in there. I was not a bad child. I did all the chores and always did what I was told without backtalk. Growing up I was homeless many times. My father didn't want to work and most of my childhood was filled with hunger, pain and sadness. When I was 16 I met my future husband. All I ever wanted was love and he said he did. When I was 18 I became pregnant. I graduated high school and had my child. Three days after having him my husband quit one job to go to the next and on that day was missing for 5 hours. He became mean, neglectful and abusive. We were living with my father, and you can guess how things were there. When we moved out I didn't talk with them anymore. Though my husband had turned into something horrible I thought maybe things would change if we were on our own. They did not. His family was awful to me too. We lived in the middle of nowhere and mostly it was just me and my son. I got pregnant again. With how horrible things had turned out I gained so much weight that I became diabetic and had to give myself shots in the stomach every time I ate. Doing anything sexually was extremely painful, but my husband would make me do it anyway. I had no friends, no family and was raising two babies pretty much alone. The power and phone was all the time getting shut off because my husband was too immature to manage money. I became pregnant again and this time my husband wouldn't take me to the doctor. I didn't see one until I was almost 7 months pregnant. I did not have a license or anyone to take me but him, so I couldn't do anything about it. When I did get to see one they guy was horrible. The night I had my youngest he didn't show up for hours. My little girl almost died because they wouldn't let me deliver until he got there. The in-laws didn't want to help watch their other grandchildren so it was just me and my new little one in the hospital. When we got home she became sick and we rushed her to the ER where they said she might have meningitis and had to do a spinal tap. If she did she was certain to die. All my mother-in-law would say was that god needed angles.... wtf, right? Anyway, I spent a week in the hospital with her and did not sleep at all the whole time. We got out and a month later we were back in with the same thing. Fell asleep once and that was a horrible experience. I had no family. My husband was abusive and did not help with our kids. I was alone and without love. I tried to be a good mother and for the most part was. I'd never had a real parent myself and I think it was a miracle that I did as well as I did. My oldest was having problems and I found out he was Autistic. So many things were going on, all of them bad. So much crap has happened and there isn't enough room here to put it. My son is now 10, I left my husband and I'm living without my children because I could not take them with me. I wont make them be homeless. I would have been a fugitive if I took them and that is no life for them. I miss them every second of every day. Before this I had never been without them for more than a day. Things are not going well and I don't feel like doing this any more. Nothing ever goes right. No one loves me and apparently I do not deserve it. I am already dead. The only thing left means noting at all.
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drag0nf1y
Ha my life has been going crazy so far this year. one week after my 19th birthday My mother passed away, 3 months later i get fired from my job and the first girl who i actually fell in love with cheated on me the day after i lost my job. and since i was little i cant control my thoughts, they want me to kill people and it makes me want to kill myself so protect everyone. I feel like a threat to society and i dont like society. I am not a big fan of government and my thoughts want me to over run the government. I saw a psychologist when i was younger they were no help. Any ideas as to what i should do.
Please seek out professional help, if i offended you i'm sorry but it really upsets me when parents don't love their kids or mistreat them in anyway.
Get out of the crowd is probably the thing you should start with, go to the doctors they can help you and if they don't then go to another surgery, retrain so that you can find another job I know being a single mum is hard and there isn't much money but you learn part-time. And when it comes to your kids remember how you felt when you were abused and how you thought a good mother should be and try and be that person. I wish you all the best.
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london
im starting to realize that if I knew better I would do better....heres my story....

4 years old is the earliest age that I can remember. I remember abuse on my aunt who was raising me and my 2 brothers at the time. I remember watching her abusive boyfriend take his last breath on our living room sofa. ( I live down the street from that house today) I remember being touched and fondled by any man who get his hands on me at (5) while my aunts and uncles got drunk in the other room. At 8 my aunt who was raising us died of a brain tumor and me and my brothers went to foster care for a year. After the custody battle my grandmother gained custody and that was hell. Her husband snuck in my room everynight for 5 years fondling me and messing with me untill finally I told my grandmother and she was so drunk she didnt believe me. I wacthed them fight all the time. Fight on me and my brothers call us ugly. They received food stamps and a check for us but they would hide all the food in ther room locked up. They would only put the food out when it got to old for them to eat. This went on untill I was old enough to get a job. I have never seeked helped for my childhood abuse. But everyone thinks that depression and seeing therapist is something that "white people do" and they tell me im crazy. but guess what I know im crazy thats why I need help...lol

but all jokes aside even with all my haunting child hood memories I sitll try to keep a positive outlook. I wish I didnt curse at my kids as much and give them so many whoppins but thats all I know...The only time Im nice is when Im smoking weed and thats a bad habit that I started at 16 that my first sons father introduced me to and ive been smoking every since. Now I feel addicted to weed and I want to stop. Thats why I feel like im a loser because I cant get control of this addiction. The only time Ive stopped was when I was charge with possesion and had to go to drug classes and was on urines. I promised myself I wouldnt start back up but I started hanging with the wrong crowd again and here I go. My crowd makes it seems normal but I know its not...

If you have any advice please leave some...thanks
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killurself
Hey, I've been reading ur stories and I've noticed that there's been a pattern among the comments towards ur secrets...im sorry that u want to kill urself...but I just want u to know that even though im only 19 years old if u need someone to talk to I can give u my IM on yahoo..that's.. if u hav one...

im a great listener...! Its s_driscol

Good luck sweetheart.
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sdriscol
your black there aint nothing you can do about that but you can do something about being a loser. if you don’t want more kids get your tubes tied or burn what. Your kids are a product of you if you want them to be better then you’ll get up and do something about it go back to school if you want to…. You can try to find away to make ….. what will your killin yourself do for your kids? what of example will that set for them? ?just tryin to keep it real…
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injured
Im not trying to be rude or insensitive but u can get the medication abortion if its early and i dont condone abortions but its better than taking our own life
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crazyworld
listen iam not trying to be mean or insensitive i dont know u but out of humanity i care do not do ANYTHING stupid like killing yourself you are a mother and you have to try and the best one you can even though it is hard im sorry if what i said upset you i was unsensitive please just talk to some one you can trust before u do something you may regret.
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girl3
We haven't encourged you at all, you're being a fucking bitch towards your kids, face the truth. And if the condom broke, why didn't you take the morning after pill, or even better make sure you're on the pill all the time.

SERIOUSLY GO TO THE DOCTORS.
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london
IVE BEEN TO DERMATOLOGIST AFTER DERMATOLOGIST AND NOTHING WORKS!!! ive tried everything and i am feeling sorry for myself i have every right too.. and thanks for all your encouragement to help me try to kill myself this eveing.. thanks girl3 and london....
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killurself
i wish it was that easy. Im struggling just to make ends meet now how do you think im going to afford college...and the stupid condom broke you think i want more kids HELL NO!!!
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killurself
Maybe u should stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it all, do a part time course or try and find a new job, go to your GP for your acne and maybe while they are there talk to your doctor about depression, and how do you think your kids feel?
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london
GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF YOR THE ADULT NOT YOUR CHILDREN LIVE P TO YOR OWN MISTAKES ITS YOUR LIFE YOU CAN CHANGE IT IF YOU WANT TO SCHOOL GET A BETTER EDUCATION AND STOP HAVING SEX IF U HATE CHILDREN SO MUCH.
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girl3