If absence makes the heart grow fonder, where are you?

Posted by an anonymous user on 6/29/2008 1:27:00 AM

I have been breathing in this life for fifteen years, three months, two days, twenty hours and three minutes. Seconds I will not attempt. My secret...that's a very good question, one that I am still trying to figure out for myself. I feel as if my thoughts and dreams are twisting themselves into a never ending goose chase, but the thing is, I don't know what I'm searching for. And that's the thing that scares me. But I think what's even more fucked up, is the fact that that fear is part of what drives me forward. I am (in my own way) a walking contradiction. I am terrified of the future and the unknown but I embrace it with open arms and I'm so willing to continue breathing and walk forward into my own darkness for fear that if I die, my memory will fade into nothing but a dusty photograph laying in a box that's sitting in someone's attic. And that makes me want to cry. Then if you look on the other side of the mirror I want to die young, because it would make me feel like I did something in this life, it would give people more reason to remember me. I don't want to remembered as that one girl. I love life, but I'm afraid that soon I will start to love it a little bit less and I don't want to want to die. I don't want to hate looking at myself in the mirror every day.
And you know, I really wanna know how Robin felt, ya know, Batman and Robin. I'd like to hear the stories from his point of view. Because shouldn't you be the main character in your own life? My favorite book right now is "The Perks of Being A Wallflower", it's such a beautiful book. And in the book he says something about how in a book he was reading the angel takes this guy around and shows him how important he is because he's done all these great things for the town. But what about the other people, who didn't do great significant things? Aren't they important to? Do you really have to move mountains and spend one hundred and fifty dollars on a skateboard for a two month anniversary gift to be important? I know that one of the most beautiful things in this world is the hope, happiness and love you can feel from just one single hug from a person you love who loves you back. But it saddens me to say that I'm still searching for that hug, I want to feel somebodies arms tightly wrapped around me and I want somebody to whisper in my ear how much I matter to them and how much they love me. But I fear that that will never happen.

Tags: afraid, lonely

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