I'll never learn.

Posted by theupwardsfall on 6/14/2008 1:21:00 AM

almost six years ago now, i saw you at a show, my heart instaintly fell, and my knees trembled, i then found out we had many mutual friends, i went to a few parties that you were at and everytime you looked at me my heart sank, i couldnt go past just saying hello so i got your screen name and IMed you instead of a face to face conversation.

we spoke everyday online and then instead of actually hanging out for the first time in our home where we lived less than an hour away from eachother we hung out for the first time on an opposite coast. that weekend was the worst and best weekend of my life, the first day as soon as i got to the hotel to check in, you were outside waiting to check in too, it was like we were still in our hometown and i ran into you at a friends how perfect the timing was, that first day i didnt see much of you, the next day i saw someone in your band and asked him where you were already so drunk and wanting you.

i fell asleep on a random couch to have you wake me up, not anyone else i didnt want to see but you. the one person i wanted to see more than anything. you woke me up and i stumbled to your hotel room, where i tried to kiss you... but you just pushed my head down and unbuttoned your pants. we had sex and i got up and put my clothes on and left the hotel room. so happy i spent the past two hours having crazy sex with you but remembering very little of the experience due to the alcohol and being pushed away right after i felt used but amazed that you had picked me out of the thousands of girls at the festival.

once back home we talked everyday online and late night txts asking me to come over, i was your hidden prize, your hidden friend for when you were bored or horney.

we had sex several more times over the course of nine months, when i finally couldnt take it anymore, i was only you're 'girl' to people we both knew really well and to anyone else it was a secret. im sure you called me your girl to them just to keep me satisfied and content in being used. so i stopped talking to you and for the past four years we have had very little contact.

you have been touring endlessly and im sure spent time with an uncountable amount of women now.

but here you are, you've come out of nowhere to bring back 18 year old's feelings and trembling knees, we've started a special movie trading system while on tour where i tell you what to watch and you do the same, and we talk about the movies and its our special secret.

you finally asked me on a 'proper' date and i started laughing and came back with 'hah whatever you say you never even wanted to be seen with me' where you replied 'i really want to this time around no more games'

i didnt laugh to be rude, i laughed beacuse its all ive ever wanted to hear from you.

im coming out of a four year relationship the person i started dating to get over you, and stayed with because i didnt think id ever find someoen who loved me the way i loved you.

this man i have been living with for four years has turned my life upside down, willnot move out of my house and will not stop acting like we are together although we havnt been together for months he thinks if he acts the same i'll forget we broke up and just act like everything is fine.

he confronted you. and it completely scared you away and might have taken away my last hope.

my secret: i know i will be with you someday and i know that the knee trembling eyes watering hands shaking stomach in knotts feelings i've never felt for anyone else do mean something. and i cannot wait until you realize what you have had right in front of you

Tags: al, pc

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