Is it really normal?
Posted by Aeryn on 11/6/2007 3:54:00 PM
When I was 3 year the boy from next door convinced me to play some... games with him. This continued sporadically till my 12 years birthday when I told him no more. I was afraid of getting pregnant and people find out about all that I'ved been doing. I felt so dirty and ugly and sick. now even if I have 21 years I dont have a boyfriend and never had. I can't get close to people and people dont came close to me. I've never really kissed somebody. I want a boyfriend but... I'm afraid. and I now that I lack in self estime. I guess I just want somebody to say that it's still hope for me. I dont need a dissection, I've already done it myself and I know pretty well how my mind thinks and why I am this way.
Tags: issues, pregnant, sex, game, relationship, boy, girl
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Tags: issues, pregnant, sex, game, relationship, boy, girl
Comments
RSS feed for comments on this post.
To feel guilty or dirty is normal. But don't assume that means what you're feeling is correct. What I mean is, I was abused for a while, because that's what this is, really, and it was not easy for me to move on. I had communication problems, I couldn't go to church, I couldn't make friends... But I know now that all the shame and guilt I felt, although normal, was not right, because I didn't need to feel those things. It wasn't my fault.
You were def. too young to know better. If there are family or friends that you trust, let them know, try and explain your worries, and if they want to do something about these past events, see what the options are. No one will force you into this, it's your decision.
I've had a psychiatrist and several doctor's exams, and I even went to court. But I'll tell you now that even though I hated that it had come to such things, I knew I was making a difference, he could never do this again.
I agree with <3 that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and you mustn't blame yourself.
It's taken me a long time to accept what happened, a long time to even try to move on. I'm 18 and I'm not there yet, perhaps I never will be. But, at least I know, I'm here and I made it through. And even though sometimes I still have nightmares or insomnia, I can't go some places, I get claustrophobic, agorophobic, for a while I couldn't hug the male members of my family (dad, brother, grandpa), and sometimes even the sky at night scares me, (Don't ask me why - no-one's been able to figure it out), I'm still me, after everything that happened, and I got through it.
The fact that you're strong enough to write about it, even anonymously, is a step in the right direction. I still feel huge repercussions, repercussions that scare the living daylights out of me, and trust is still hard for me, and maybe it always will be, but whatever you choose, know there are people who love you for you.
There are those who want to help you, those who can help you and those who will help you if you let them, if you feel you want that help. Just remember that it was in NO WAY your fault (though that isn't always a comfort), you should never feel sick or dirty because of someone else's doings, you are a stronger person than he is and, most importantly, the only person you should ever need to satify is yourself.
I'm a virgin, no boyfriend, never been kissed. But that's all right. Because I'll do it when I feel good and ready. Let no-one tell you otherwise. God Bless.
You were def. too young to know better. If there are family or friends that you trust, let them know, try and explain your worries, and if they want to do something about these past events, see what the options are. No one will force you into this, it's your decision.
I've had a psychiatrist and several doctor's exams, and I even went to court. But I'll tell you now that even though I hated that it had come to such things, I knew I was making a difference, he could never do this again.
I agree with <3 that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and you mustn't blame yourself.
It's taken me a long time to accept what happened, a long time to even try to move on. I'm 18 and I'm not there yet, perhaps I never will be. But, at least I know, I'm here and I made it through. And even though sometimes I still have nightmares or insomnia, I can't go some places, I get claustrophobic, agorophobic, for a while I couldn't hug the male members of my family (dad, brother, grandpa), and sometimes even the sky at night scares me, (Don't ask me why - no-one's been able to figure it out), I'm still me, after everything that happened, and I got through it.
The fact that you're strong enough to write about it, even anonymously, is a step in the right direction. I still feel huge repercussions, repercussions that scare the living daylights out of me, and trust is still hard for me, and maybe it always will be, but whatever you choose, know there are people who love you for you.
There are those who want to help you, those who can help you and those who will help you if you let them, if you feel you want that help. Just remember that it was in NO WAY your fault (though that isn't always a comfort), you should never feel sick or dirty because of someone else's doings, you are a stronger person than he is and, most importantly, the only person you should ever need to satify is yourself.
I'm a virgin, no boyfriend, never been kissed. But that's all right. Because I'll do it when I feel good and ready. Let no-one tell you otherwise. God Bless.
Posted by Liz on 12/7/2007 5:20:00 PM (Report abuse)
You experience is probably traumatizing you and keeping you from opening up to other people. I would suggest telling a personal friend or family member, or even going to a psychologist, because you may need some mental help. Or, if that's not an option, just try to open up very slowly and get used to trusting other people again. Just remember, it is NOT your fault, and you are certainly not dirty or unclean because of what someone else did you you. You couldn't have known it was wrong. Meanwhile, try going up to the mirror every morning and telling yourself, "I am beautiful! I am strong! I can do anything!" Because, really, you can :)
Posted by <3 on 11/20/2007 7:32:00 PM (Report abuse)
It was just a kids game. There are so many good things in life to enjoy and they are waiting for you.
Posted by John on 11/7/2007 6:59:00 PM (Report abuse)
there is still hope for you!!!! its not your fault... there is someone out there for everyone so i say just hang in there and you will find your perfect prince in no time
Posted by Superconfused09 on 11/7/2007 9:07:00 AM (Report abuse)