Is my dad going to rape me?

I'm an 18 year old girl.i think I'm being molested.im not sure though.my sister has told me that my dad looks at me in a bad way.she told me that she has noticed him looking at my breasts.i dont know whether to believe it.my mother has cautioned me not to wear revealing clothes in front of my dad..i come from a really conservative family.my dad is a touchy kind of guy.
i read online that children who have been molested many a times start masturbating really young.my dad has abused my mother physically and mentally.my mom has faced marital rape by my dad.my dad has toned down his temper over the last years.but u know occasionally if I try to do something he doesnt like he tells me that he should have had his old abusive behaviour.then he warns me saying that one day he would teach me a lesson.he is like dr jekyll and hyde.turns violent quickly.he always tries to hit only me and not my elder sister or younger brother becos I'm not physically very strong.i started masturbating when I was really young.at that time I didnt even know what sex is.i dont kow how I learnt to do it.i also dont remember much of my childhood.my family has told me that I always was a really quite child and extremely over mature for my age.like I was withdrawn into a shell.apparently used to always sit in a corner of my house and read very quitely.and it seems I was not naughty at all.i remember I used to get very scared to leave my mother and go somewhere.many a times he has hit me on my butt.
i have an elder sister and a younger brother.i always feel he has been extra violent with me.once when I was 16 he saw me coming out of the bathroom only wearing a towel and he started smiling weirdly.lately a picture has been popping into my head.a picture of my dad giving me a bath when I was young and rubbing hard on my private part.i dont know whether it is my imagination or a supressed memory.i asked my mother about it and she said my dad has never given me a bath.i also get this picture of him asking me to sit on his lap and to kiss him on his face again and again.he always tries to come near me as a way of making my sister jealous..that is as if he is showering more affection on me.im 18 now.he recently literally forced me to come and sit near him.he grabs me.he dragged me to a room once in anger and just shoved me.whenever I sit near him he rubs my leg with his leg.he always asks me to come and ssit near him.once he kissed my neck.once in public he rested his chin on my shoulder from the back and didnt let me go even when I asked him to.another time when we had a fight I got angry and went to my room.
he came in and held me tightly and tickled me till I accepted his sorry.most of the time he is a nice dad.but he quickly turns violent on me.he leers at me.once when I was 15 and I was returning from my classes at night.this stranger was walking alongside me.i just simply smiled at him and he suddenly started showing me a video of people having sex.and I got scared and started to walk away from him.but then he caught up with me and asked me questions like have u ever tried this and do I want to try it and all.i luckily escaped.the fact was after that my dad was continously staring at me for days in this totally weird way.yesterday my mom warned me that my dad was looking at my breasts.i have this fair pretty cousin and he used to stare at her till one day she told him off.he looks and comments at other women in front of me.he has had affairs.he has once told me that he will put a spy on me as I turn older.when I see strangers somehow I get this feeling of wanting to be viloently raped by them.but then wen I actually think about it I feel disgusted.im ashamed of all these thoughts of sex.i get ashamed because I'm masturbating.and I .i get uncomfortable around him.once I wore a new dress and showed it to him and he went on staring at me in a weird way.when I was 15 I had a really good guy friend who used to call me everyday.when my dad found out he hit me and threatened to lock me in the house if I continued talking to that guy.whenever I talk to guys my dad stops me.he doesnt allow me to talk to guys.i have been having fantasies of getting raped by my dad in a really brutal way.he has also mentally and emotionally abused me.i get uncomfortable talking to guys.i want to know whether this is molestation or am I reading too much into it.is my dad molesting me?please answer fast.i have been in depression for more than two years.i do not have anybody to talk to.i cannot tell my family.they are not supportive.i cannot go to a counsellor neither can I run away.recently he told me that he is going to put a spy on me.when he hits me..it is like he has total feeling of power over me.once he forced me to lie down on his lap and I could feel his erection.another time he backed me against the cupboard in anger and held me against my will with his fingers squeezing my mouth in anger.recently I was in my parents room.my brother and mom were also there.he was wearing a bathrobe.only I was facing him.the other two were behind him.he just removed his robe.he was not wearing any underwear.i got mortified and just looked away.i dont know whether he purposely flashed me or was it a genuine mistake?what should I take of it?and he keeps hitting my butt and rubbing my neck.im scared he will rape me,
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iyeranita
F**k this shrink s**t.I don't know if its still going on or not.but ive helped women in your situation before.first don't be afraid of breaking up a family, cause you're not, you're only improving it by helping to get the problem straightened out. he sounds pretty perverse with you. I hope at this point your moved out. call the police on him if you have the chance. he doesn't want you to have a boyfriend because that represents a threat to him (aka he'll get his sorry a*s kicked) he's got a temper, and he'll abuse you to make himself feel better. abuse is about power. he wants to control you, don't let him. Get proof of his abuse, and report it to the police. Take him down. (j.s. if you don't feel comfortable with the police idea, take the law into your own hands) defend yourse lf. Hes a bully and even though it seems like it won't work, it will. You need tp fight him off and say that your through with his s**t and this controlling persona of his. You're a strong and independent woman for making it this far. Break him at the base and let him know that he is wrong and he needs to leave you and your family alone. I really encourage the police. don't be afraid of him. he's more afraid of you. I promise
#power to the people#
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BrokenChain1
whoa
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CheRRysss
Palindrome, name fits because you're one of those people that's always got things totally backwards. OP needs to see a shrink, but not for the reason you think.
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Cynic
try to get help, i know that you feel help less, try going to the police or call a hotline when your not at home and eraser your phone history so he can't find it. it when you get away try and get help from a shrink. know that there are people out there who want to help. try and hang on
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Palindrome102
You know sonny, fantasizing about being a female is probably bad enough. Fantasizing that you are a female in an incestuous relationship means you really do need to go see a shrink.

Don't you think it's about time?
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Cynic