Is this it?

Posted by nessanikki on 8/16/2008 12:58:00 AM

i have loved the same guy for about 20 years now. i first saw him when i was 5 and knew in my heart that he was the one i was going to marry and have a family with. we had the little puppy dog love thing. then he moved away. i never forgot him. i always talked about him and dreamed about him. then one day, my teacher asked me to deliver something to another teacher. when i walked into the classroom, he was sitting on the front row and just smiled when he saw him. we were good friends, then at 15 we started dating. i had other things going on with my homelife and was on a pretty destructive path. through all the things i was involved in, my mom found out that we were having sex. she forbid me to see him. she told him to never call our house again. he ended up moving away again. my heart ached. i got my first job and his mom came in one day. i ended up writing him a letter and giving it to her to give to him. about a month later, he called. he was in town. we met up and it was amazing. over the next few years we were together off and on. both of us battle with committment and trust issues. we were young and stupid, thouhg. always arguing about petty things. we tried to be friends but it didn't work. he would still call me every once in a while. he came to see me 2 months ago. i was cold toward him. only to save myself the heartache. all of those feelings came back and i lied to my friends saying i felt nothing for him. now it's eating me up inside. i love him so much. he is still the one i believe i was made for. my life seems to have no meaning unless i'm with him. he makes me want to be a better person. all the things that mattered before don't matter anymore. i'm tired of being stubborn. i have told him how i feel. i have allowed myself to be completely vunerble and tell him everything. he still wants me in his life, but he won't answer if i call. won't reply to messages or emails. we sometimes IM each other, and it's great, then something happens in the middle and he just stops. i feel like he was reaching out to me when he came to see me, and i was cold. now i've missed my last chance. but i still believe in my heart that we were made for each other and we will be together someday. i just have to be patient. my heart aches for him and he's the only cure.

Tags: lost, love

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