Just end it now
Posted by just1here on 10/20/2007 3:13:00 PM
This is just how badly i feel inside and no one really gives me the chance to fully explain and beware i'm not gonna be "churchy" in this at all..my feelings aren't that way so why censor it i'll let you see the crap i call life.......
I feel really bad right now and have for a really long time...i have struggled with this crap for as long as I can remember...it gets worse when i find myself thinking about things usually at night, but this morning I found myself thinking of when and how I would do it...am i gonna do it in the moment or continue to make plans.. I just have too many responsibilities... I have to work and my company depends on me...i have pets and I don't want them to be split up, they are so close...i'm supposed to live my life as an example of who God is and the hope he can give us, but I can't...i could fake it, but there is no reward in that and it doesn't glorify him...i'm engaged to a great guy, but I don't know if I should get married in april like planned...i don't want to hurt anyone, but I am tired of hurting... i have never truly been happy and I am 30 years old...don't I deserve true happiness...i mean I have had good times, but all were short lived...i feel so heavy ... I can't describe it vividly enough to get my point across...it is like I am screaming and no one can hear me...i want to die...sometimes I just want to get it over with, but tonight I want to die slowly in a puddle of my own blood watching myself die as it gets colder and the blood thicker on the floor as I feel it drip cooling drops of blood I want to feel the drain of life from within me... what am i talking about it's already drained from me anyway why shouldn't I just finish it off.....I'm sorry I just don't know what to do anymore and i thought getting it out would help..we'll see...
Tags: life, death, suicide, hopeless, desperate
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I feel really bad right now and have for a really long time...i have struggled with this crap for as long as I can remember...it gets worse when i find myself thinking about things usually at night, but this morning I found myself thinking of when and how I would do it...am i gonna do it in the moment or continue to make plans.. I just have too many responsibilities... I have to work and my company depends on me...i have pets and I don't want them to be split up, they are so close...i'm supposed to live my life as an example of who God is and the hope he can give us, but I can't...i could fake it, but there is no reward in that and it doesn't glorify him...i'm engaged to a great guy, but I don't know if I should get married in april like planned...i don't want to hurt anyone, but I am tired of hurting... i have never truly been happy and I am 30 years old...don't I deserve true happiness...i mean I have had good times, but all were short lived...i feel so heavy ... I can't describe it vividly enough to get my point across...it is like I am screaming and no one can hear me...i want to die...sometimes I just want to get it over with, but tonight I want to die slowly in a puddle of my own blood watching myself die as it gets colder and the blood thicker on the floor as I feel it drip cooling drops of blood I want to feel the drain of life from within me... what am i talking about it's already drained from me anyway why shouldn't I just finish it off.....I'm sorry I just don't know what to do anymore and i thought getting it out would help..we'll see...
Tags: life, death, suicide, hopeless, desperate
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when u feel like u wanna die call somebody but remember there r people who care 4 u.
Posted by Mystery on 6/10/2008 6:04:00 PM (Report abuse)
It is true that what pleases us the most are things that do little or no harm to others. But put yourself first. Be concerned about yourself only. Sometimes what you truly want will be what the other person wants. Be happy and be well.
Posted by Karthik on 10/25/2007 6:12:00 AM (Report abuse)
responsibilties do tend to pull you down but think as if God has given you courage to fullfill them.I got to do every single thing for my family and myself and were times when i felt like you did.Even now am not given what i deserve but consoled myself by thinking that God will reward me!He is the one who has chosen this way of life for me.Like patti said you are here for a reason.So try to get out of this negative approach and thank God !
You said your guy is great then why in the world you wouldn't wanna marry him....THINK and think hard maybe in your depression you are letting go of all the good.Depression is just a state of mind,fight it,you'd be amazed to see what all happiness is there for you!
You said your guy is great then why in the world you wouldn't wanna marry him....THINK and think hard maybe in your depression you are letting go of all the good.Depression is just a state of mind,fight it,you'd be amazed to see what all happiness is there for you!
Posted by Gul on 10/21/2007 12:27:00 PM (Report abuse)
Do not get married, but do seek counseling. It will turn your life around. Having someone to talk to who will not be judgemental, who can actually help you in getting your life back on a happy state of being, is well worth it. It works, that and meds, please seek someone out..I promise life is good. Look into the eyes of your pets. You are their world and they love you unconditionally. You sound as though you are standing on the edge of life and about to jump off, deep depression can do that to do as well as have those thoughts you are having. Don't leave when you have not finished your life. You are here for a reason...get some help then seek out your path.
Posted by Patti on 10/20/2007 11:47:00 PM (Report abuse)