Lonely Suicidal And Out of Control.

Posted by TakiSama on 7/13/2008 2:04:00 AM

I just want to die. I'm so anti-suicide, and scared of death. But as of late, I just want to die. I feel really sad and scared. I know these aren't your average teenager hormones. I know what it is. I've long since managed my hormones, but now... I just feel so stupid. Envious, No self-esteem, lonely. I know it sounds stereotypical, but as I look at it... it really isn't. My life has been a hell hole, and yet I still smile for people. My girlfriend lives the pampered life and I've had to talk to her about it. I'm the person people talk to when they have no one. But I have no one to talk to in return. No one that understands anyway. I used to be a major cutter back when I was in middle school, but not for the fashion, no. I didn't know how to deal with the loss of 4 people in 18 months. People were talking about me. I was so awkward, and ugly. I really was ugly. I weighed... 180 and had really gross, greasy long hair. I had hardly any friends, so I turned to a razor. After a while, I stopped cold turkey because I was on the verge of killing myself. I had a revelation and stopped. I've not inflicted pain on myself in over three years. I'm a sophmore in High School. A soon to be 15-year-old girl that is smart, good, and fairly friendly. I've lost weight, cut my hair, took care of myself. My complexion is the nicest in my school. Now... I know it sounds really silly... but I just want to die. My best friend, the one that helped transform me into who I am, is leaving for college. My best friend is working out and up in New York. I'm all alone. My thoughts have been jumping to suicide for a while. I'm just scared.

Tags: suicide, cut, cutting, pain, lonely, stupid, teenager, girl, suicidal, out, control

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