Pregnant by a Married Man
Posted by StupidGirl on 12/8/2007 6:54:00 PM
I have gotten myself into quite a predicament. I am a 37 year old professional/educated woman who has made some very poor decisions in life. I have been seeing a married man off and on for the past four years. This has been the typical affair with all the lies and promises most stupid mistresses are told. He's good at lying and very manipulative. I am an attractive and intelligent woman but not very smart when it comes to him. I obviously have some major self-esteem issues. I have tried to end it several times. As a matter a fact, we have not been together for the past three years however would still see each other in random spurts.
No one, and I mean, no one understands how I could still be involved with this 46 year old married meth addict with seven children and no job. How can I expect them to when I can't even believe it myself? I sometimes feel so controlled by him and this situation. He has used several tactics to kep me around and they seem to work. I tried for the first two years of this torrid affair to help him get off the drugs (to no avail...obviously)
Now for the predicament...with in the first year of seeing him I ended up getting pregnant. I planned on carrying the child full term and raising it. I did not end up carrying it full term because of several reasons. This almost killed me and changed the relationship that I had with my mom. It is very strained now. The pregnancy and abortion were very hard on both of us and I lost a lot of her trust and respect because of the entire situation.
My father is a very ethical and moral man and it would break his heart if he ever found out that I have been involved with a married man. He doesn't know.
Although I loved this man very much....with all my heart for that matter...I no longer see a future with him. He is not who I thought he was. It just took me a lot longer to figure this out than everyone else in my life. I held on to hope for a very long time. I now see it is hopeless. The problem is that I had sex with him for the first time in a long time on Nov. 3, 2007. We went out for his birthday. I don't even know why except for the fact that for some reason I still care about a man who has aided in turning my life into a living hell...it was a very dumb decision. Now, I am pregnant again. I will never have another abortion and will be having this child. I just don't know how to tell my parents. I love them very much and hate that I am going to hurt them...again. I do not want to destroy my relationship with them as it is very important to me. I am afraid I am going to lose them both this time around. It doesn't help that they have been helping me out financially the past 4-5 months
What should I do? How do I tell them? How do you hurt people you love and admire so much?
Thank you,
A disappointment to my family.
Tags: pregnant, married, drug, addict, woman, sex, predicament, relationship
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No one, and I mean, no one understands how I could still be involved with this 46 year old married meth addict with seven children and no job. How can I expect them to when I can't even believe it myself? I sometimes feel so controlled by him and this situation. He has used several tactics to kep me around and they seem to work. I tried for the first two years of this torrid affair to help him get off the drugs (to no avail...obviously)
Now for the predicament...with in the first year of seeing him I ended up getting pregnant. I planned on carrying the child full term and raising it. I did not end up carrying it full term because of several reasons. This almost killed me and changed the relationship that I had with my mom. It is very strained now. The pregnancy and abortion were very hard on both of us and I lost a lot of her trust and respect because of the entire situation.
My father is a very ethical and moral man and it would break his heart if he ever found out that I have been involved with a married man. He doesn't know.
Although I loved this man very much....with all my heart for that matter...I no longer see a future with him. He is not who I thought he was. It just took me a lot longer to figure this out than everyone else in my life. I held on to hope for a very long time. I now see it is hopeless. The problem is that I had sex with him for the first time in a long time on Nov. 3, 2007. We went out for his birthday. I don't even know why except for the fact that for some reason I still care about a man who has aided in turning my life into a living hell...it was a very dumb decision. Now, I am pregnant again. I will never have another abortion and will be having this child. I just don't know how to tell my parents. I love them very much and hate that I am going to hurt them...again. I do not want to destroy my relationship with them as it is very important to me. I am afraid I am going to lose them both this time around. It doesn't help that they have been helping me out financially the past 4-5 months
What should I do? How do I tell them? How do you hurt people you love and admire so much?
Thank you,
A disappointment to my family.
Tags: pregnant, married, drug, addict, woman, sex, predicament, relationship
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anonymous I to am a mother with a daughter for a married man . you never get over the pain . sometimes you wish he was around for your daughter and sometimes you don,t . he does not want to accept her . but i still tell her who her father is . she wants to call and talk to him at times . she wants his attention , but there is nothing i can do because he and i don,t get along now , we cannot talk without getting angery with one another . I hurt for my daughter sake because she is 6 yrs. old and i don,t know how to explain this sisuation to her . she knows her daddy is married and that she has 2 brothers . but i hope and pray it will all work out one day where he will love his child uncondinational. nomatter what the sisuation ever was .
Posted by an anonymous user on 10/2/2008 10:54:00 PM (Report abuse)
We are so similar, but I am more stupid. I have been having an affair with a married man for 2 years now. He was not always married. The first two years he only lived with this woman. It's a very long story. When I found out he married her I dumped him. I have dumped him, I don't know how many times now. Anyway, I got pregnant last year and decided I would have the baby. We had a little girl. He has seen her and says he loves her. I stopped seeing him, but started again after they had a fight over me. He begged me to come back to him because he was so lonely. We had not seen each other for 6 months. He said that I was being selfish in having him suffer through having fights with her over me and we weren't even together. I broke down and started seeing him again. I don't know what I'm going to do. The same lie I used last time won't work this time.
May God help me.
May God help me.
Posted by an anonymous user on 9/12/2008 6:08:00 PM (Report abuse)
I am on the otherside of this , my husband came to me and told me that he had another child outside of our marriage, I am hurting for the child outside the marriage and the women who had the child I dont know what to do or what to say but i have to think about the other chils as well as the one we have together!!!!! Think about the child and tell his wife please!!!!
Posted by Ryg on 7/30/2008 1:18:00 PM (Report abuse)
A year ago my friend found herself pregnant @ 38. She had just quit a good job, had no health insurance and no funds; she had to move in with her mom! To add to the embarassment, she wasn't sure who the father was. She was so horrified to have to tell her mother that!
In addition, my friend had a short relationship with the father & had broken it off and he was very upset that she was keeping the baby, but didn't want a relationship with him.
At this point, a year after her daughter's birth, he hasn't seen her and isn't interested in taking a DNA. It is saddening, but okay.
My friend had had surgery to remove a tumor as a young woman. The surgery removed a fallopian tube & one ovary. She was told she was probably sterile. In a long term relationship over many years, she never had gotten pregnant and figured she truly couldn't.
So, this pregnancy truly shocked us all.
It was a miracle that she conceived. er
After her daughter was born, dne day care worker told my friend, "I think this baby was born to save her mama".
You can take the easy route out and no one should judge you. However, my parents always told me I was the best thing that ever happened to them.
My friend's baby is the best thing that ever happened to her. She is focused & so entirely thrilled to be a mom, regardless of the struggles.. and the up side, is she gets to do everything "her way" as the dad isn't involved. Don't worry! Take things one day at a time. People welcome new life and will come out of the woodwork to help you.
In addition, my friend had a short relationship with the father & had broken it off and he was very upset that she was keeping the baby, but didn't want a relationship with him.
At this point, a year after her daughter's birth, he hasn't seen her and isn't interested in taking a DNA. It is saddening, but okay.
My friend had had surgery to remove a tumor as a young woman. The surgery removed a fallopian tube & one ovary. She was told she was probably sterile. In a long term relationship over many years, she never had gotten pregnant and figured she truly couldn't.
So, this pregnancy truly shocked us all.
It was a miracle that she conceived. er
After her daughter was born, dne day care worker told my friend, "I think this baby was born to save her mama".
You can take the easy route out and no one should judge you. However, my parents always told me I was the best thing that ever happened to them.
My friend's baby is the best thing that ever happened to her. She is focused & so entirely thrilled to be a mom, regardless of the struggles.. and the up side, is she gets to do everything "her way" as the dad isn't involved. Don't worry! Take things one day at a time. People welcome new life and will come out of the woodwork to help you.
Posted by Sadie on 6/23/2008 7:00:00 PM (Report abuse)
kill the baby.
Posted by Hoijniohi on 5/16/2008 12:26:00 PM (Report abuse)
Listen hunny... I have been through some horrors in life and if they have taught me anything it's this: DOn't listen to the people who hold you back. You are blessed to be having a baby, even thought the circumstance isn't one that society fines acceptable. I can tell that you will make a great mother and your child is truly blessed to have you in their life. I grew up without a mother and it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life but it made me stronger than the people who put you down. Rise above everyone who looks down upon you, including your parents. Get a well paying job, consult someone who CAN HELP YOU, get a doctor, and tell your parents that they no longer have to support you but you want them to be aware that you will be having a child. ALSO, get a lawyer because you will most definitely need child support from the father. It's an experience that I am sure causes you a lot of shame but just remember if you are a good person then God will allow you into the kingdom of heaven.<-- If you aren't religious then screw that... lol
Good Luck and congratulations on the baby
Good Luck and congratulations on the baby
Posted by ~anonymous~ on 2/28/2008 5:09:00 PM (Report abuse)
I understand how you feel!! it really hurts and even if we try at times we can not come out of this mess. I have been through the same mess......... when i was reading this i was shocked and i thought somebody described exactly what i have been through!!!!!!!!! your story is so close to mine!!! The only difference is that i am lucky enough not to be get pregnent by him so far and it is because of my religion although it is not allowed but God gave me strength that i avoided him and he insisted to have chlid with me but GOD saved me whenever we met we did the safe sex...... but let me tell you one thing dear just try to forget about that bastard and concentrate on new things in life!! there are so many wonderful people in this world and i am sure you will find it soon. i did find another man but i do admit that its hard for me to trust again a man but life moves on............... just try my dear......... you will get over and you will have a wonderful life........ The best revenge is to have new man in your life and try to forget him.....and i am pretty much sure you will do it and i am donig it so you can also do the same...........
Posted by Kim on 2/17/2008 6:19:00 PM (Report abuse)
it's like somebody is describing my story!!I thought i was only stupid person ...........
Posted by Wang on 2/17/2008 6:07:00 PM (Report abuse)
We all make mistakes true but I wish you women will stop messing with married men. Why can't you find your own. It's unfortunate another child is brought into this world with a disadvantage.
Your already need help from your parents now your going to need help from the system. Now you have to tell the child the father is not around because he is MARRIED. It's not fair. And it sounds
like the guy is loser too. Good job chic you deserve whatever you get.
Your already need help from your parents now your going to need help from the system. Now you have to tell the child the father is not around because he is MARRIED. It's not fair. And it sounds
like the guy is loser too. Good job chic you deserve whatever you get.
Posted by Bitter Wife on 1/23/2008 3:08:00 PM (Report abuse)
First off, I'd like to say that you're not stupid. I'm 22 years old, and only a little over a year ago did I get out of a relationship with a married man. I was with him for more than two years, and unknowingly supported his cocaine addiction for most of that time. I was so in love with him...it didn't matter to me that he had problems. I tried and tried to fix him, but he was the only one that could make the decision to get better. I got pregnant with his child at 20, and had my son at 21. I was in the same position as you, dear. My parents were upset with me at first, but throughout the pregnancy, they realized that there was no point in being angry...they couldn't change it. Now my parents watch Hayden (my son) while I'm at work and they make it clear that they love me and my son.
I know it's hard, but this child is a blessing. I only see my son's father once a month, when he comes to visit Hayden. Since he was born, he went to rehab and now holds a steady job. Maybe this is what will happen in your relationship with this man. Just trust in yourself and love your child unconditionally, as your child will love you.
Things will get brighter, and having this baby will show you just how strong you are.
I've been through what you're dealing with...and trust me...the pain will subside, and you'll find that your life without him isn't much different than your life with him.
I know you have the strength to do this...
and good luck.
~SB
I know it's hard, but this child is a blessing. I only see my son's father once a month, when he comes to visit Hayden. Since he was born, he went to rehab and now holds a steady job. Maybe this is what will happen in your relationship with this man. Just trust in yourself and love your child unconditionally, as your child will love you.
Things will get brighter, and having this baby will show you just how strong you are.
I've been through what you're dealing with...and trust me...the pain will subside, and you'll find that your life without him isn't much different than your life with him.
I know you have the strength to do this...
and good luck.
~SB
Posted by Sinister Limbo on 1/7/2008 6:32:00 PM (Report abuse)
It all comes by being not a religion. Not to have a religion.
And now it goes harsh for you and your baby, and be sure that baby will become something like you too . Just God bless you heretics.
And now it goes harsh for you and your baby, and be sure that baby will become something like you too . Just God bless you heretics.
Posted by Bijan on 12/21/2007 6:33:00 AM (Report abuse)
First of all, stop thinking of your self as a dissapointment. You are NOT. Right now you must think of yourself and your unborn child. Your state of mind and health are most important. I hope you are a woman who believes in God & his son Jesus Christ. If you are, then you already now how God can turn things around for our good, even when it looks bad. If not, it's never to late. A childs birth is a blessings and he or she already has a purpose in life. And more importantly so do you. My thoughts are only of you, not the father. I WAS in an drug/alcohol abusive, co-dependant, and in a loveless relationship. It's not healthy. You must start loving yourself more that he will ever do, and know that God loves you even more that than. Yes, I understand you caring for him, you've been this "relationship" for a long time, and it hurts to think about not having him around. But I can bet you are always there for him, and when you need him (whether big or small) he has an excuse (especially since he's married). Girlfriend to girlfriend, it's time you starting thinking, feeling, loving and caring more about YOU and your child, dump the guy, tell your parents (it doesn't matter what they think) parents should love you unconditionally. If not, that will their loss if they want to be in your life along with their grandchild. God wants you to live!!! So, live girl, deep down inside you know what to do. Listen to the God that lives inside of you.
Peace & Blessing
Peace & Blessing
Posted by V.V. on 12/17/2007 4:39:00 PM (Report abuse)
The reason everyone could see it before you is that you were in love with him. Its not that love is blind, its just that love is determined to see the good in people. When you're not in love with someone you don't care about all that stuff.
Your child is your priority, and you know that you need your parents by your side. You may have put them through a lot, but the only way they can ever forgive you is if they know the truth. Get away from this guy. I bet you were a happy, loving, beautiful individual before you met him. Let that person shine through again.
yours
person who's been there before
Your child is your priority, and you know that you need your parents by your side. You may have put them through a lot, but the only way they can ever forgive you is if they know the truth. Get away from this guy. I bet you were a happy, loving, beautiful individual before you met him. Let that person shine through again.
yours
person who's been there before
Posted by Sam on 12/17/2007 9:18:00 AM (Report abuse)
Thank you for your kind and understanding comments. I was expecting a bit more abuse. I really appreciate your advice
Posted by Me again on 12/15/2007 7:51:00 PM (Report abuse)
Rather tell the truth than risking loosing that is importand to You, we are all human beings and are allowed to make mistakes.
Posted by Harry on 12/11/2007 1:14:00 PM (Report abuse)
I think it is best to tell them, without them finding out themselves. Even though it might hurt when you tell them the truth, but if they find out themselves, that will make the trust completely broken and hurt even more then just telling them. Well I am not sure how your family gonna react. I am not sure if this advice ahead will help, but tell them how you were controlled, no matter how much you tried to get away from it. Also tell them the whole truth.
Posted by Yuri Volte Hyuga on 12/8/2007 8:49:00 PM (Report abuse)