Rambles of such
Posted by Eudaimonia on 11/14/2008 12:52:00 AM
I readwhat othrs have to say, and so many express an emotion I feel and it makes me wonder, if others out there are similar to em, why am I alone?
My Doctor says it's my dysthimia, that I'll always have this feelign that my day was a 4 on a scale of one to ten, but I don't won't to live like this.
when I'm with people I'm happy, hence so many roommates (three), but at the same time, I'm still lonely at the end of the day because everyone goes into their room and they go to their little tings.
My friendsa all have their own lives I understand but I hate being alone.I hate it so much.
I'm even in a relationship, but I just don'g think it's right.I feel lik e whenever we're together I'm playing mother and wiping his ass.I feel so alone when i"m with him, and then he uses all my moeny.
I"m in college,
my father refuses to pay for my college because I want to waste it on something frivolous.and I tell him over and over that it's a passion to be an artist.
I know the risks, and the chances of success vs the chances of failures.
I just want the final goal of Eudaimonia so badly.So badly.
I even have it tattood on me just so that I will always be thinking of that goal.
but still, I just feel lonely.Lonely and abused.
because you , all of you who call yourselves friends, don't see the signs that I'm hurting.None of you.
I come in and i'm pale, you say 'Oh, look who was up partying all night" when I was up all night hacking with bronchitis.When you tell me that I'm a whore because I want to dte someone and laugh because you think it's just a great joke.I feel bad inside even though I laugh along and pretend everything is alright.Y don't know why you do this.You even go so far as to forget my birthday.Wehn I tell you three weeks before, and then no one.Not a single person in the town remember my birthday, and I'm ashamed to say my father and my mother didn't even remember how old I was trurning or when my birthday was.
I am that person you all share your burdons with and joke and tease, then you say I'm a good sport and a great friend because I take it all in and listen, becasue I take everything in strides and don't go and get upset.
Then you all leave.
Because al all think that everything is ok because I'm calm on the surface.
but I'm not.
Not really.
I"m a raging storm.
And none of you could ever comprehend how much damaged you've done to me.even you Ub, even you Rip, leo, az, Otter akhren, joy.
You are all sorry, and pathetic exscuses for friends and humans.
Once I cry for help.
Once I ask for someone to be by my side, ad all you guys did was stare at me as I passed out on the ground. A passing teacher saw it and tryied to get me to a hospital, but ot you dear friens not you..
Of course, surround myself with new people didn't work either, they all just treat me the same.
Oh howi hate the world some days.
But the fact is.
Just.
Someone,
Don't make me lonely anymore.
Please.
~edge
Tags: lonely, stressed, sad, depression, family, friends.
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My Doctor says it's my dysthimia, that I'll always have this feelign that my day was a 4 on a scale of one to ten, but I don't won't to live like this.
when I'm with people I'm happy, hence so many roommates (three), but at the same time, I'm still lonely at the end of the day because everyone goes into their room and they go to their little tings.
My friendsa all have their own lives I understand but I hate being alone.I hate it so much.
I'm even in a relationship, but I just don'g think it's right.I feel lik e whenever we're together I'm playing mother and wiping his ass.I feel so alone when i"m with him, and then he uses all my moeny.
I"m in college,
my father refuses to pay for my college because I want to waste it on something frivolous.and I tell him over and over that it's a passion to be an artist.
I know the risks, and the chances of success vs the chances of failures.
I just want the final goal of Eudaimonia so badly.So badly.
I even have it tattood on me just so that I will always be thinking of that goal.
but still, I just feel lonely.Lonely and abused.
because you , all of you who call yourselves friends, don't see the signs that I'm hurting.None of you.
I come in and i'm pale, you say 'Oh, look who was up partying all night" when I was up all night hacking with bronchitis.When you tell me that I'm a whore because I want to dte someone and laugh because you think it's just a great joke.I feel bad inside even though I laugh along and pretend everything is alright.Y don't know why you do this.You even go so far as to forget my birthday.Wehn I tell you three weeks before, and then no one.Not a single person in the town remember my birthday, and I'm ashamed to say my father and my mother didn't even remember how old I was trurning or when my birthday was.
I am that person you all share your burdons with and joke and tease, then you say I'm a good sport and a great friend because I take it all in and listen, becasue I take everything in strides and don't go and get upset.
Then you all leave.
Because al all think that everything is ok because I'm calm on the surface.
but I'm not.
Not really.
I"m a raging storm.
And none of you could ever comprehend how much damaged you've done to me.even you Ub, even you Rip, leo, az, Otter akhren, joy.
You are all sorry, and pathetic exscuses for friends and humans.
Once I cry for help.
Once I ask for someone to be by my side, ad all you guys did was stare at me as I passed out on the ground. A passing teacher saw it and tryied to get me to a hospital, but ot you dear friens not you..
Of course, surround myself with new people didn't work either, they all just treat me the same.
Oh howi hate the world some days.
But the fact is.
Just.
Someone,
Don't make me lonely anymore.
Please.
~edge
Tags: lonely, stressed, sad, depression, family, friends.
Comments
RSS feed for comments on this post.
hey, i cant tell you something that will make u completely happy in an instant, but i just want to let you know, that i'll be thinking of you, and things are obviously reallly tough for you right now, but if I were in your shoes, i would go somewhere else and have a fresh start. you deserve better than this, u deserve better friends, best of luck to you.
<3
<3
Posted by an anonymous user on 11/14/2008 6:38:00 PM (Report abuse)