Secretly In Love With Half-Sister
Posted by BillMan4312 on 3/6/2008 5:15:00 PM
I am a male who is secretly in love with my half-sister in which I met about 4 years ago. When I met her, it wash pure brotherly love as it should be for any sister. But for the last few months or so, I have been experiencing much more deeper feelings toward her. Each and everytime we see and talk to each other, it seems as if we verbally communicate on a much deeper and meaningful level and point that most other people should talk on. I feel that I need her emotionally and physically for me to be complete. I leave her each time taking each and every piece of advice and suggestion that she has given me as so valuable to the point of a whole lot of pressure and burden has been lifted off of me. Accordingly to most people in the world, I understand this is considered as incest. Even though incest considered wrong, I believe love is still love. I believe there are 3 kinds of love, one being the kind that we should have for God, one for our neighbor, and one for our other significant or better half. To me, the type of love that we should have for an significant other is the type that simply takes hold of people and sometimes makes them do things they wouldn't normally do. I believe we all desires to be loved by someone in this way. I don't really understand how one can control or judge who or how a person should turn their love on and off for such a person they feel very strong for. I know the bible talks about incest, but also things such as homosexuality, and etc. So it is something that is always up for debate and discussion. As for incest and the bible, I just don't think it is completely wrong, because if it wasn't for incest, we would not have a lot of the major bible characters, such as Moses, Abraham, Sarah, and others. People who have played a major role in the bible. And for the purpose of everyone else would have not been at all if it had not been for some degree and level of incest.
My questions are, am I wrong for feeling this way? If so, how? What would you do in this situation. Should I continue to hold this secret and never expose it should I expose it? I am very serious and welcome all who want to respond, but I ask and remind you to please not forget the bible also says "judge not lest ye be judged"
Tags: love, romance, passion, incest
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My questions are, am I wrong for feeling this way? If so, how? What would you do in this situation. Should I continue to hold this secret and never expose it should I expose it? I am very serious and welcome all who want to respond, but I ask and remind you to please not forget the bible also says "judge not lest ye be judged"
Tags: love, romance, passion, incest
Comments
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if she feels the same way, I don't see why you shouldn't express your love to her.
there's nothing wrong in loving someone.
there's nothing wrong in loving someone.
Posted by The best friend on 6/13/2008 3:31:00 PM (Report abuse)
there is ALOT of people in this world that would look down on u for this. but really.... u cant help who u fall in love with. As long as u talk to her like a human being and not like a complete stranger than she might sit and listen to u when u tell her u like her. Who knows.. she might like u back!
Posted by Mossyoakgirl on 6/3/2008 3:26:00 PM (Report abuse)
honestly, you arent blood related. so tech. its not really incest.
if she feels the same way, go for it dude.
who cares what others think?
you cant let the stuff people say/think keep you away from what you want.
if she feels the same way, go for it dude.
who cares what others think?
you cant let the stuff people say/think keep you away from what you want.
Posted by Ash. on 5/22/2008 6:08:00 PM (Report abuse)
dude if u dont care what people say or think...go 4 it...screw her brains out...she mite like it!
Posted by Mb on 5/18/2008 5:46:00 AM (Report abuse)
GLORIFY GOD::
Although incest is a concern it comes to children, the information you gave was inaccurate. As far as genes go, it is important to consider the following:
Basic Laws of Genetics:
1. Law of Individual Assortment states that allele pairs separate independently during the formation of gametes. This means that traits are transmitted to offspring independently of one another.
This is important to take into consideration when it comes to DNA recombination (in laymans terms, DNA Recombination refers to the future offspring's DNA). There are two types of traits that show up in DNA; dominant and recessive. Dominant genes determine both the genotype (the "recipe" for DNA) and the phenotype (what the subject looks like), because this type of gene is "dominant" to recessive, obviously. Recessive genes are another story in themselves. It is possible for anyone to carry a recessive gene; (if we have a heterozygous genotype, that means we have both a dominant and a recessive gene... if we are homozygous dominant or recessive, that means that we carry two of either dominant or recessive genes) although, if we only carry one recessive gene, it will not have any affect in either the genotype or the phenotype. For someone to have a homozygous recessive genotype and phenotype, we must carry two recessive alleles, one from your mother, and one from your father.
In cases where mutations have occured as a result of incest, more often than not, the mutation is not DIRECTLY a result of the imbreeding. Mutations are commonly found due to non-disjuction in cells during meiosis, or a mutation of the nitrogen bases (or nucleotides) in DNA strands.
Although it is not impossible to have a mutation due to incest, it would take a long history of incest in either family for it to have an effect on offspring that would make a NOTICEABLE impact on his or her life.
It is important to note that recessive genes are not something that cause diseases. In many cases, diseases that are hereditary are more likely to be dominant than recessive; for example, if a mana nd a woman have a child together, and the mother is has a heterozygous genotype and the father has a heterozygous genotype (meaning both parents carry one dominant and one recessive allele), and the disease in question is a dominant-trait linked diseased, ALL of their children will be afflicted with this disease. Recessive diseases are not only less common, but have less of an impact on an individuals lives, simply because both parents would have to be homozygous recessive for the disease in order for the disease to affect the child, otherwise, the child will just be a carrier of disease, but it will not affect him or her.
Recessive genes can also be thought of in every day life where we find timeless beauty. Redheads, freckles, and blue eyes are all recessive traits.
Although incest is a concern it comes to children, the information you gave was inaccurate. As far as genes go, it is important to consider the following:
Basic Laws of Genetics:
1. Law of Individual Assortment states that allele pairs separate independently during the formation of gametes. This means that traits are transmitted to offspring independently of one another.
This is important to take into consideration when it comes to DNA recombination (in laymans terms, DNA Recombination refers to the future offspring's DNA). There are two types of traits that show up in DNA; dominant and recessive. Dominant genes determine both the genotype (the "recipe" for DNA) and the phenotype (what the subject looks like), because this type of gene is "dominant" to recessive, obviously. Recessive genes are another story in themselves. It is possible for anyone to carry a recessive gene; (if we have a heterozygous genotype, that means we have both a dominant and a recessive gene... if we are homozygous dominant or recessive, that means that we carry two of either dominant or recessive genes) although, if we only carry one recessive gene, it will not have any affect in either the genotype or the phenotype. For someone to have a homozygous recessive genotype and phenotype, we must carry two recessive alleles, one from your mother, and one from your father.
In cases where mutations have occured as a result of incest, more often than not, the mutation is not DIRECTLY a result of the imbreeding. Mutations are commonly found due to non-disjuction in cells during meiosis, or a mutation of the nitrogen bases (or nucleotides) in DNA strands.
Although it is not impossible to have a mutation due to incest, it would take a long history of incest in either family for it to have an effect on offspring that would make a NOTICEABLE impact on his or her life.
It is important to note that recessive genes are not something that cause diseases. In many cases, diseases that are hereditary are more likely to be dominant than recessive; for example, if a mana nd a woman have a child together, and the mother is has a heterozygous genotype and the father has a heterozygous genotype (meaning both parents carry one dominant and one recessive allele), and the disease in question is a dominant-trait linked diseased, ALL of their children will be afflicted with this disease. Recessive diseases are not only less common, but have less of an impact on an individuals lives, simply because both parents would have to be homozygous recessive for the disease in order for the disease to affect the child, otherwise, the child will just be a carrier of disease, but it will not affect him or her.
Recessive genes can also be thought of in every day life where we find timeless beauty. Redheads, freckles, and blue eyes are all recessive traits.
Posted by Jakih on 5/5/2008 6:45:00 PM (Report abuse)
out of curiosity, do u even know that she feels the same way?? u could lose a lot .
Posted by D on 5/5/2008 5:20:00 PM (Report abuse)
Incest is frowned upon in all societies but at the same time it is very common for siblings who never knew each other as they grew up to fall in love, just as it is for adopted kids to fall in love with their birth parents, this does not make you a freak.
No one can tell you what to do, but do take your sisters feelings into account, be aware that if you expose this you could lose her. and if she feels the same make sure any children you have are monitered closely throughout the pregnancy as there can be complications from dna being too close
No one can tell you what to do, but do take your sisters feelings into account, be aware that if you expose this you could lose her. and if she feels the same make sure any children you have are monitered closely throughout the pregnancy as there can be complications from dna being too close
Posted by Anon on 4/14/2008 6:04:00 AM (Report abuse)
This is totally like clueless. Just do what makes you happy and screw everyone else that trys to stop ur happiness. There are alot more things in this world that are worse than that. Before you tell her how you feel, date around and see if you might just happen to meet other ppl.
Posted by Chloe on 4/3/2008 9:57:00 AM (Report abuse)
It is common in the society of modern world. You need not worry. Go ahead!!
Posted by Blueshaft on 3/23/2008 7:16:00 AM (Report abuse)
(Part 2/2)
In ANY relationship, if you really want it to work, you need to have communication and trust. The more difficult and/or closer a relationship, the more these things will be needed. A relationship such as this could be one of the most difficult relationships there could be. You need to be able to communicate with your half-sister enough to communicate your thoughts on the issue with her. If you can not trust her in doing so, or you do not believe she could handle it - then you already know the answer as to if you should pursue it or not. If you do believe you can communicate and trust enough, then even if you believe your feelings are true but find they are not reciprocated by her, you should be able to come to a peaceful conclusion and ultimately no harm will be done. You MUST make certain that you do not manipulate, that you intend no force and use none, that you are perfectly clear in what you are and are not after (mental and emotion relationship, in a positive and supportive manner, should come first and foremost, anything else should be secondary if at all). If you aren't after a long-term, life relationship, all you should be after is help in dealing with your feelings). As long as you keep everything honest, clean, and upright, she SHOULD respect you for coming clean about it, as that is likely better than nursing your 'forbidden feelings' from the shadows. If she does not reciprocate, as the person in question, she is in the best position to talk with you and help you deal with the feelings. If she is offended or in any way takes it the wrong way - don't pursue anything further, except to be helped to put your misplaced feelings to rest.
If she does reciprocate, then you need a foundation for a relationship. When I talked about communication and trust, I mean complete openness. You need to believe in each other enough to know that you can give each other your greatest fears and know you won't use them against each other. You need to give each other your darkest secrets, the worst things you've done, maybe the worst things you've thought of, and you need to be able to trust that your partner will not think less of you afterwards. Ultimately, you need to take what marriage means to the ultimate point that it means - you need to have nothing between you, so that you can be together, completely, cleanly. If you are religious, then you can, in my opinion, bring yourselves to God, together, despite your incestuous feelings (which at that point might not even be an issue to you), and be accepted of him. God loves his children, he's compassionate, he's merciful but God can inhabit no unclean place. If you want something like this to work, when so many other things will be working against it - be willing to go ALL THE WAY in making something clean, good, and right.
This doesn't mean you always have to agree - but it does mean you ultimately have to be willing to discuss things when you don't agree, and come to compromises.
This advice I give for relationships is not limited to a difficult one such as these, it should be able to strengthen any - but for something like this, I'd say if you're not willing to go to this great distance, it's likely you shouldn't go at all. Remember, many things will be against you - in a very real sense, it could end up being 'you against the world'.
If you both find there's full consent, no doubts, no small amount of forethought, consideration, contemplation; if you enrich each other, want to make each other complete, and are willing to run the gantlet of this path - then I'm one that tends to believe it is an extremely uncommon thing that is likely something that WILL glorify God and his love, despite what many would think. If that be the case, may God's blessings be upon you, and may no man (or woman) stand in your way.
In ANY relationship, if you really want it to work, you need to have communication and trust. The more difficult and/or closer a relationship, the more these things will be needed. A relationship such as this could be one of the most difficult relationships there could be. You need to be able to communicate with your half-sister enough to communicate your thoughts on the issue with her. If you can not trust her in doing so, or you do not believe she could handle it - then you already know the answer as to if you should pursue it or not. If you do believe you can communicate and trust enough, then even if you believe your feelings are true but find they are not reciprocated by her, you should be able to come to a peaceful conclusion and ultimately no harm will be done. You MUST make certain that you do not manipulate, that you intend no force and use none, that you are perfectly clear in what you are and are not after (mental and emotion relationship, in a positive and supportive manner, should come first and foremost, anything else should be secondary if at all). If you aren't after a long-term, life relationship, all you should be after is help in dealing with your feelings). As long as you keep everything honest, clean, and upright, she SHOULD respect you for coming clean about it, as that is likely better than nursing your 'forbidden feelings' from the shadows. If she does not reciprocate, as the person in question, she is in the best position to talk with you and help you deal with the feelings. If she is offended or in any way takes it the wrong way - don't pursue anything further, except to be helped to put your misplaced feelings to rest.
If she does reciprocate, then you need a foundation for a relationship. When I talked about communication and trust, I mean complete openness. You need to believe in each other enough to know that you can give each other your greatest fears and know you won't use them against each other. You need to give each other your darkest secrets, the worst things you've done, maybe the worst things you've thought of, and you need to be able to trust that your partner will not think less of you afterwards. Ultimately, you need to take what marriage means to the ultimate point that it means - you need to have nothing between you, so that you can be together, completely, cleanly. If you are religious, then you can, in my opinion, bring yourselves to God, together, despite your incestuous feelings (which at that point might not even be an issue to you), and be accepted of him. God loves his children, he's compassionate, he's merciful but God can inhabit no unclean place. If you want something like this to work, when so many other things will be working against it - be willing to go ALL THE WAY in making something clean, good, and right.
This doesn't mean you always have to agree - but it does mean you ultimately have to be willing to discuss things when you don't agree, and come to compromises.
This advice I give for relationships is not limited to a difficult one such as these, it should be able to strengthen any - but for something like this, I'd say if you're not willing to go to this great distance, it's likely you shouldn't go at all. Remember, many things will be against you - in a very real sense, it could end up being 'you against the world'.
If you both find there's full consent, no doubts, no small amount of forethought, consideration, contemplation; if you enrich each other, want to make each other complete, and are willing to run the gantlet of this path - then I'm one that tends to believe it is an extremely uncommon thing that is likely something that WILL glorify God and his love, despite what many would think. If that be the case, may God's blessings be upon you, and may no man (or woman) stand in your way.
Posted by Glorify God on 3/23/2008 3:47:00 AM (Report abuse)
(Part 1/2)
Many people here are probably saying what they think, but I wonder if they've done their own serious thinking on the subject.
I can't say that I'm entirely unfamiliar with a situation like this. There's a lot of questions that are raised by such a situation. If you honestly wish to discuss it with someone who will attempt not to judge, I'd be glad to go over what I've come up with, or talk about anything at all, but I'll try to put most of it here.
Society.
The first thing that needs to be said, and should be obvious if you've paid any mind to the general dogma, traditions, as well as plainly stated opinions here, is that society doesn't see this as acceptable. If you're actually considering this, be ready for the long haul.
Law.
Related to the first - the law won’t be 'on your side' in most areas. While some jurisdictions allow relations between even first-cousins, and prohibitions on more distant relations aren't common, and despite half-siblings being not-really-closer genetically than first-cousins (to the best of my knowledge), half-sibling relationships are considered felonies in many jurisdictions just as much as full-sibling relationships (likely *all* in the USA). There are some exceptions, incest has been allowed in France and Belgium since Napoleon abolished laws prohibiting it; Sweden makes allowances for it; Japan allows it but considers it immoral; in USA it is prohibited but there's no telling if it will always be that way; for more information, see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest
Because the law will not be on your side (in most areas), going 'legitimate' (officially being married) may very well not be an option for you.
Mental Health.
Choices like this will alter your relationship with your half-sibling for the rest of your life. If anyone finds out, they likely would not be approving unless they had quite an open mind. The above reasons will tend to cast 'shameful' feelings over such relationships, like they must be hidden. If you can't deal with these possibilities or responsibilities, you probably shouldn't go there.
Children.
Will either of you want children? Will you want children together? Modern tradition as well as science say that children from incestuous relations are more likely to have birth defects and developmental problems (due to increased likelihood of simultaneous expression of 'recessive' genes shared by both parents). A recessive gene is a gene that normally doesn't cause (significant) problems when a person has one copy (from one parent), but when someone gets two copies (one from each parent), they can suffer serious problems because of it. This is a genuine issue of concern. Some people's answer for this is 'no children'. As I said earlier, however, the genetics shared between half-siblings are *roughly* comparable to that of first-cousins (it might be closer, but I've read the relative difference is negligible) and in some cases, seemingly 'unrelated' people share a significant amount of genetics anyhow. In my opinion, there is no perfect answer to this. I am of the school of thought that says that what we eat and drink, what drugs we take (prescribed pharmaceuticals included and, perhaps, emphasized), what we expose our bodies to and our children to puts them at far greater risk of developmental defects than half-sibling/first-cousin incest, and that faith is a greater protection then going with someone who's genetically diverse from you. If you can make the decision to never have children then this might be a non-issue for you but do realize that five or ten years down the road you might change your mind or you might get careless (assuming you don't take drastic measures, such as self-sterilization). It is better to take these things into account now, not later. Adoption could theoretically be an option - except for the social stigma of your relationship in the first place!
Religion.
What do each of you believe? Can you bring those beliefs together? If you don't have any beliefs - what grounds you in your life? What will keep you together? Not all religions consider the same things important. Myself, personally, I believe that all good things come from God, so that any real love between a man and a woman is from God, even if society disagrees with it, even if 'God's law' appears to disagree. I'm probably asking to be flame-bait here, but consider that in Genesis, three of the most important patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob) married relatives from their 'father's' house. Some people might take this a little literally: Translations of Genesis 20 imply Abraham saying Sarah is his sister, but that's not necessarily what it is saying - the 'daughter of my father but not of my mother' is not necessarily his sister, but possibly a more distant relation (cousin, niece, etc.) Some people might be tempted to latch onto it - don't, it can be shot down. That said, if you ENRICH each other, if you bring out the best in each other, and if you don't drag each other down (preferably not in ANY way) but want to fill the needs of the other in every way - in my humble opinion that sounds very much like what God intended in husband-and-wife.
Similarly, if you're religious, you probably shouldn't want any relationship with a man/woman to get in the way with your relationship with God (God being jealous and all, and not wanting anything idolized / placed over him or equal with him). If you're infatuated with something to the excess of all else - that's dragging you down. Something like that isn't good or from God. If there's any hesitation, any reluctance, any doubt, don't go with it. If there's any lack of consent, any tendency toward force or debasement AT ALL - something is unhealthy, get help immediately.
Persistence.
Sadly, many relationships in modern societies are often not long-lasting. Without a 'marriage' to hold onto, it may seem easier to just 'let things go'. With so many discouragements to keep it from being seen as 'acceptable', it may seem yet easier. Moreover, because a relationship that you change in this way will be changed forever, you don't want any such changes to be negative.
Many people here are probably saying what they think, but I wonder if they've done their own serious thinking on the subject.
I can't say that I'm entirely unfamiliar with a situation like this. There's a lot of questions that are raised by such a situation. If you honestly wish to discuss it with someone who will attempt not to judge, I'd be glad to go over what I've come up with, or talk about anything at all, but I'll try to put most of it here.
Society.
The first thing that needs to be said, and should be obvious if you've paid any mind to the general dogma, traditions, as well as plainly stated opinions here, is that society doesn't see this as acceptable. If you're actually considering this, be ready for the long haul.
Law.
Related to the first - the law won’t be 'on your side' in most areas. While some jurisdictions allow relations between even first-cousins, and prohibitions on more distant relations aren't common, and despite half-siblings being not-really-closer genetically than first-cousins (to the best of my knowledge), half-sibling relationships are considered felonies in many jurisdictions just as much as full-sibling relationships (likely *all* in the USA). There are some exceptions, incest has been allowed in France and Belgium since Napoleon abolished laws prohibiting it; Sweden makes allowances for it; Japan allows it but considers it immoral; in USA it is prohibited but there's no telling if it will always be that way; for more information, see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest
Because the law will not be on your side (in most areas), going 'legitimate' (officially being married) may very well not be an option for you.
Mental Health.
Choices like this will alter your relationship with your half-sibling for the rest of your life. If anyone finds out, they likely would not be approving unless they had quite an open mind. The above reasons will tend to cast 'shameful' feelings over such relationships, like they must be hidden. If you can't deal with these possibilities or responsibilities, you probably shouldn't go there.
Children.
Will either of you want children? Will you want children together? Modern tradition as well as science say that children from incestuous relations are more likely to have birth defects and developmental problems (due to increased likelihood of simultaneous expression of 'recessive' genes shared by both parents). A recessive gene is a gene that normally doesn't cause (significant) problems when a person has one copy (from one parent), but when someone gets two copies (one from each parent), they can suffer serious problems because of it. This is a genuine issue of concern. Some people's answer for this is 'no children'. As I said earlier, however, the genetics shared between half-siblings are *roughly* comparable to that of first-cousins (it might be closer, but I've read the relative difference is negligible) and in some cases, seemingly 'unrelated' people share a significant amount of genetics anyhow. In my opinion, there is no perfect answer to this. I am of the school of thought that says that what we eat and drink, what drugs we take (prescribed pharmaceuticals included and, perhaps, emphasized), what we expose our bodies to and our children to puts them at far greater risk of developmental defects than half-sibling/first-cousin incest, and that faith is a greater protection then going with someone who's genetically diverse from you. If you can make the decision to never have children then this might be a non-issue for you but do realize that five or ten years down the road you might change your mind or you might get careless (assuming you don't take drastic measures, such as self-sterilization). It is better to take these things into account now, not later. Adoption could theoretically be an option - except for the social stigma of your relationship in the first place!
Religion.
What do each of you believe? Can you bring those beliefs together? If you don't have any beliefs - what grounds you in your life? What will keep you together? Not all religions consider the same things important. Myself, personally, I believe that all good things come from God, so that any real love between a man and a woman is from God, even if society disagrees with it, even if 'God's law' appears to disagree. I'm probably asking to be flame-bait here, but consider that in Genesis, three of the most important patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob) married relatives from their 'father's' house. Some people might take this a little literally: Translations of Genesis 20 imply Abraham saying Sarah is his sister, but that's not necessarily what it is saying - the 'daughter of my father but not of my mother' is not necessarily his sister, but possibly a more distant relation (cousin, niece, etc.) Some people might be tempted to latch onto it - don't, it can be shot down. That said, if you ENRICH each other, if you bring out the best in each other, and if you don't drag each other down (preferably not in ANY way) but want to fill the needs of the other in every way - in my humble opinion that sounds very much like what God intended in husband-and-wife.
Similarly, if you're religious, you probably shouldn't want any relationship with a man/woman to get in the way with your relationship with God (God being jealous and all, and not wanting anything idolized / placed over him or equal with him). If you're infatuated with something to the excess of all else - that's dragging you down. Something like that isn't good or from God. If there's any hesitation, any reluctance, any doubt, don't go with it. If there's any lack of consent, any tendency toward force or debasement AT ALL - something is unhealthy, get help immediately.
Persistence.
Sadly, many relationships in modern societies are often not long-lasting. Without a 'marriage' to hold onto, it may seem easier to just 'let things go'. With so many discouragements to keep it from being seen as 'acceptable', it may seem yet easier. Moreover, because a relationship that you change in this way will be changed forever, you don't want any such changes to be negative.
Posted by Glorify God on 3/23/2008 3:47:00 AM (Report abuse)
she may only be your half-sister, but it's still a blood relative. then again, it's not our fault who we fall inlove with.
Posted by Not our choice on 3/10/2008 5:25:00 AM (Report abuse)
i like my gf sister
Posted by Mike Paahana on 3/9/2008 6:30:00 PM (Report abuse)
Keep thinking with your dick and you're sure to fxxx yourself in the head! "the Men from Nantucket"
Sexual tabboos are not related to physiology - they're related to Will Power, moron!
Sexual tabboos are not related to physiology - they're related to Will Power, moron!
Posted by GOD on 3/9/2008 5:25:00 PM (Report abuse)
I agree with you, maybe im just wrong or maybe others cant admit it But I also feel very attracted to some of my family. ur not the only one!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Helpful guy on 3/8/2008 1:55:00 PM (Report abuse)
Dude...all I got to say is no, you're not wrong for feeling that way, but I'm thinking the Biable also says something about controlling yourself. I'm not saying it's wrong, but what I will say is as humans, we are capable of doing so much, but just because we are able to, doesn't mean we should.
Posted by Michael G on 3/7/2008 5:12:00 PM (Report abuse)
i think u r ok- test
Posted by Some one1 on 3/7/2008 11:49:00 AM (Report abuse)