Selfish

Posted by susansugars on 5/2/2008 9:01:00 PM

i have a pretty good life. a loving family, great boyfriend, tons of support. but im not happy. i dwell on my past so much it makes me feel depressed most of the time. my father hasn't been in my life at all since i was 8. from the ages of 6 to about 9 or 10 i was molested almost every week by my step dad's brother in law. i ran away when i was 15 and was gang raped, but am too ashamed to tell anyone. i think no one will believe me because i was a crazy, wild girl. i constantly think of these things. i am destroying my self esteem and my relationships with everyone around me. i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i still find it incredibly hard to share my feeling with him. i know he loves me deeply, but for some reason i feel as though im pushing him away in subtle ways. i care about him and love him so much. it tears me up inside because i know i hurt him, but instead of saying sorry, i act like i don't even care. i feel angry like ive been robbed and violated most of my life. i don't know who to talk to. it seems like i annoy people when i try to talk about these things. all i want is to feel grateful and normal once in a while. i hate myself because i feel so selfish

Tags: selfish, anger, self-centered

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If you need someone to talk to... and you don't know who to go to, and you don't know how to get across your feelings to your boyfriend, maybe you should try one of those help lines. Or get proffessional help yeah. But if anything you can always send me an email at mandirachel@myway.com, from the email I can add you to my messenger, and we can talk if you like. People care, and as Destiny's Dreamer said even persons you don't know care. Talk to someone though, anyone. Get it off your chest. I'd hate to know something happened to you

Posted by Sum1 on 5/4/2008 5:39:00 PM

Oh my gosh! Your post made me feel like I was going to cry! Don't hate yourself, because none of it's your fault. I hope you read my message, and know that somebody cares about you, even though they don't know you. I suggest you find someone you trust to talk to(your boyfriend would work fine!) about this, and maybe see if you can find a professional to talk to who can help you. If your still in school, your guidance councilor would work. But whatever you do, don't take it out on yourself. There are people out there that care about you, and they will help you with your problems and worry about you if anything else would happen.

Posted by Destiny's Dreamer on 5/3/2008 4:59:00 PM

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