Spousal abuse and falling in love online

Posted by Cinderella on 6/29/2008 12:48:00 AM

Well i've got secrets, lots of them, and need to tell someone. I'm 38, married 10 years with 3 beautiful little girls. My husband has been physically abusive during our marriage. It used to happen like every month to every 6 weeks. But we've always gone on. I've always felt like he's judging me, like i can't be honest with him, like i'm never going to be good enough. He began isolating himself more and more on the computer. I had enough and we went for counselling, told them everything. In Jan. he bought me a computer for my birthday. I started flirting with men online, at least they paid attention to me, found me interesting, sexy, etc. And so we are in marriage counselling, and i'm in individual counselling to try and figure out what to do with my marriage. Basically my personal counsellor thinks i need to leave so we can work out our problems. The marriage counsellor doesn't i don't think. My husband is trying to change he says, and he seems to be. WE haven't had any physical violence for 3 months, and really, he was more controlled over the past few years, only occ. things like pushing, shoving, threating to hit me, punching the wall. Lots less intense. And so he says he is trying, he says he is changing, he wants us to work. He cries cause i'm angry at him and he doesn't understand why i'm angry. I don't really love him anymore, i've felt sorry for him for a long time, and angry. But maybe i do love him, because i dont' like to hurt him or see him cry. I'm so confused. And the thing that makes it harder, really hard, is that, i've fallen in love with someone i met here. Yes, ridiculous, crazy, immature, unreal, unhealthy, unrealistic, wrong, etc, etc, i know, i know. He's married, we didn't plan this, we didn't plan any of this. And we don't have any plans. Neither of us will be leaving our spouses and children. We live in different countries, we know better, we won't be doing anything about it. We just love each other. I feel so badly for being confused and holding this secret. But who would i tell? i already know what i should do, lots of shoulds in my life. But i feel stuck, in quicksand...

Thanks for listening

Tags: facebook, spousal, abuse, domestic, love, online

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