Want what I can't have...

Posted by MeChuckies on 6/6/2008 8:51:00 PM

I'm with this amaizng guy who saved me from when my dad tried to beat me up, he's helped me with coping with the fact my uncle has felt me up since the age of 8, and we're inseperable. I do love him, but I'm afraid of comitment, I hate not being with him but scared to become too emotionally attached.
But, I had a pregnancy scare not long ago, I'm 17, I don't want a child, and I know if I became pregnant by accedent I would have to abort it for financial reasons and the fact that my family would disown me. I never told him about the scare, I wanted to wait until I knew for real.
His best friend recently fell pregnant by his other best friend, and he has helped her over the last few days, I really get along with this girl too. And, even though I would have to get rid of it, i sort of wish it was me. Because I know then if he did leave me I would have something to love who would unconditionally love me back. He made a joke about having a child together, and I almost started crying, like I said, I don't want a child untill I'm over 25, but during my scare, it felt so good to feel asthough something was inside me to love me.
I'm Bipolar it might have something to do with it, I want to speak to him about it, I know it wouldn't scare him, but it would scare me more...
i really don't know what to do.

Tags: baby, love, pregnancy, abortion

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