There is a difference. But you're implying that because people care about those they'd leave behind if they were gone, they must not be depressed. That isn't true. There are varying levels of sadness, as well as depression.
It's different for everybody, you really can only speak for yourself.
But it's all linked to your depression, isn't it? It's the root of the problem. Have you ever tried outside help? It's extremely difficult to take all on your own. And I bet school isn't really helping either. I know you probably wouldn't consider the idea of taking a break so that you can get yourself together a bit, would you? It might help, and your sanity and emotional stability is what's most important at this point. I'm incredibly sorry that you're going through such a rough patch. But it IS worth it. There are too many beautiful things to see and feel, and it's all for you. Please keep pushing. Improve the areas in your life that need it, one by one. I don't know what you've already tried, but even little things like immediately countering negative thoughts with positive ones can make a huge impact on your mind and spirit. Take up meditation or yoga, make your body feel good and it'll become emotional as well. Even if the passion and motivation isn't there.sometimes you just have to force yourself to do these things. If it's good for you it has to be done. I wish I could say more and give you all the solutions to your problems. You're rather lovely, and it does hurt to know that you're struggling. But everybody is unique, so what works for you might be too. It's out there! Believe that. I remember a person who was seriously depressed and playing a Pokemon game they hadn't played in years helped them somehow. It could be something as small as that, it might be some life changing event. it's out there. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here, even if it's outside the site. Even if all you have to say are horrible things, I'll listen and tell you otherwise. just putting that out there. A lot of your posts I can relate to and I know how it can be feeling like you can't connect with anybody.
Why do you hate yourself? I mean, the actual reasons behind the self-hate. I'm certain you're not a bad person, if you're anything like you are here. Is it your flaws? We all have them, it makes up who we are. And as I said, I'm certain you're not a bad person, so your flaws must not be so bad either. If you were to give me a list of reasons to my question, I wouldn't believe them, you know. I'm sure you're hurt and have been for a long time, and that always messes with a person's view of the self. But that, and most things, can be worked on. You can change the views and the thoughts you have. You can allow yourself to see the real you, without all the negativity latching on. That takes A LOT of time and effort, I know. I'm still working on it myself. Most people are. But I hope you're trying, because I believe you have everything in you to make it on top and go beyond what you've ever expected of yourself.
Whoaaa. Those are terrible reasons to give up on yourself! You're 11, life has barely started. There's a whole world outside of school that you don't know. Hang in there.