armurself
australian
nothing happens after life, some people just don't fit into the mould that society wants them to fit into. the pressure and expectation is a burden to bear, suicide is the release of the burden. it's hard to understand, but try to look at life as a bunch of rules, now imagine if you disagree with the rules and ask the question: why?
who decided that we live by these rules? the value of the dollar, the goal of buying a house, to choose a life partner and raise a family, to live to the age of 90 with your last days spent decrepit and alone in a nursing home...why?
those who want to live life don't understand why others choose not to, and vice versa. people who don't want to live, envy those who see point to life.
who decided that we live by these rules? the value of the dollar, the goal of buying a house, to choose a life partner and raise a family, to live to the age of 90 with your last days spent decrepit and alone in a nursing home...why?
those who want to live life don't understand why others choose not to, and vice versa. people who don't want to live, envy those who see point to life.
meds flatten you out and put you in a reasonable, stable and rational state of mind so that you can accept therapy easier. drugs don't fix you, the therapy supposedly does...
love can be a bitch. i think you're doing pretty well dealing with it, all things considered. you know you're stronger for it, better off without someone who would put you through hell, and it's only a matter of time before you find someone better.
never had ppl fighting over me before :) how come you don't know which one you want? it's not up to them to decide who you date. you could always wait and see which one of them grows up first.
god, i hate twilight so fucking much.
god, i hate twilight so fucking much.
i usually only leave advice for people with usernames, some ppl just aren't serious enough about secrettalk, which is a shame.
oops, i meant to say WITHOUT usernames, it's just my preference. u slowly get to know what ppl are like if you can follow their progress.
i haven't cut in ages, but yeah, i did cut pretty deep one time, still have that one fat scar that isn't going anywhere...
i think the deep cut was the catylist to stopping, or at least reducing my desire to cut. i still wish i was dead from time to time, but that was the deepest i'm willing to cut, and i'm still here...i think that showed me that i can't kill myself thru cutting, and should therefore seek other avenues to overcome my shitty life, rather than just wishing i could die.
i did still cut after that moment, but only just enough to see some blood flow. and thru this i realised that it was a release. it is as simple as that for me, once i return to a logical train of thought, i see the pattern. stress builds up, maybe even blood pressure, i'm not a doctor. release of blood = release of stress. psychological release, physical release, both? it just made me feel better, that's all i know when i think back on it.
no one knows i cut, they don't need to. they'd just worry un necessarily, i know there's no risk of me dying from this, but i don't expect anyone who doesn't cut to understand that.
i think the deep cut was the catylist to stopping, or at least reducing my desire to cut. i still wish i was dead from time to time, but that was the deepest i'm willing to cut, and i'm still here...i think that showed me that i can't kill myself thru cutting, and should therefore seek other avenues to overcome my shitty life, rather than just wishing i could die.
i did still cut after that moment, but only just enough to see some blood flow. and thru this i realised that it was a release. it is as simple as that for me, once i return to a logical train of thought, i see the pattern. stress builds up, maybe even blood pressure, i'm not a doctor. release of blood = release of stress. psychological release, physical release, both? it just made me feel better, that's all i know when i think back on it.
no one knows i cut, they don't need to. they'd just worry un necessarily, i know there's no risk of me dying from this, but i don't expect anyone who doesn't cut to understand that.
i like the bit where anonymous takes offense to being called a nazi. priceless. yeah, and the difference of opinions is exactly what this site is about. it is not, however, what Hitler was about.
further proof to the good work this site does, is how much i just laughed, seriously it's the best i've felt in months. thankyou so much, both of you. i really mean that.
further proof to the good work this site does, is how much i just laughed, seriously it's the best i've felt in months. thankyou so much, both of you. i really mean that.
anyone that age trying to sleep with you is just plain wrong. i don't even know how the two of you could be in the situation for anything to happen anyway. it's good that you see that sleeping with him wasn't the best idea and also that you didn't do anything. try to focus on the fact that you were strong enough to know that you were acting out cos you're having a bit of a hard time at the moment, work through it and don't dwell on it, it just eats you up inside.... yeah, it'll get better in time, focus on your strengths and learn from your mistakes. we can see you want to, there must be a good person in there somewhere, best of luck to you :)
i don't see why he would leave you just because of that, tell him, or act like it's not even a big deal, chances are, he won't even notice. my first gf had something similar (i dunno how serious it is for you), but they did become erect during sex. maybe the more they're stimulated, the more they'll come out on their own. and it wasn't a big deal at all for me, everyone's different.
april 28, same as saddam hussein, and port arthur massacre was on my 13th birthday :(
i'm sure something good could be associated with my birthday, but that wouldn't be as interesting, would it? :)
i'm sure something good could be associated with my birthday, but that wouldn't be as interesting, would it? :)
definitely don't rush into sex. you'll know if you really like someone without having to sleep with them. sex is something you can enjoy for the rest of the life, you only get to enjoy being young once. not to mention the chance of getting pregnant forcing you to grow up way to fast.
NO!, are you fucking serious? you're a delusional piece of shit, one second i'm reading how you choked and threatened to rape her, the next second, i hear her say she loves you....you're scum, taking advantage of a confused girl....wake up to yourself, take a look in the fucking mirror.
if you're gonna take laxatives just make sure you drink a bunch of water as well. also take a multivitamin afterwards, cos laxatives flush everything out, including the good stuff.
that's pretty cool, never heard of this happening before
yeah the reason for this is simply that you have no distractions from the thoughts that are clearly always there. i am just like you, and i'm very aware of my situation, but fixing it is another deal altogether. patience, essentially, you have to hope that there's a distraction, in the form of purpose, self worth...etc, and whatever purpose you seek is different for everyone, and to be honest, i don't know what mine is, but i'm progressing down the right path. it is hard, because what you're waiting for may never arrive, there are no guarantees.
the stage that i'm currently at in my personal situation, may sound odd, but trust me, it's very effective.
my feelings of depression, worthlessness, regret were all within me, caused by outside influences. the result is alot of inwards directed anger at the regret, self worth, disappointment. i'm aware of what's happening to me, which is how i found methods of using the anger more constructively. there's nothing wrong with harbouring anger (provided it's justified) and i realised that the way i treated my self was actually absolving the outside influences from any responsibilty for what i've become. and i don't deserve that.
after this realisation, i'm now able to redirect a large portion of anger outwards, driving me towards removing those outside influences. it is currently my purpose in life at the moment. essentially, anger and rage is the reason i get out of bed every day, instead of staying put and wallowing in my self pity.
i do this in the hope that life is markedly improved on the other side of those influences. this may not be the case, but it's a goal to aim for, a reason to live and breathe. if it's not better on the other side, i'll have to re think, re plan, whatever, but i'll cross that bridge when i come to it. nevertheless, if i'm not 100% better after i've overcome these influences, at least i have overcome them, and i have no doubt things will become clearer once i'm free of them, and life will improve, even if it's only by 1%. progress is progress.
the stage that i'm currently at in my personal situation, may sound odd, but trust me, it's very effective.
my feelings of depression, worthlessness, regret were all within me, caused by outside influences. the result is alot of inwards directed anger at the regret, self worth, disappointment. i'm aware of what's happening to me, which is how i found methods of using the anger more constructively. there's nothing wrong with harbouring anger (provided it's justified) and i realised that the way i treated my self was actually absolving the outside influences from any responsibilty for what i've become. and i don't deserve that.
after this realisation, i'm now able to redirect a large portion of anger outwards, driving me towards removing those outside influences. it is currently my purpose in life at the moment. essentially, anger and rage is the reason i get out of bed every day, instead of staying put and wallowing in my self pity.
i do this in the hope that life is markedly improved on the other side of those influences. this may not be the case, but it's a goal to aim for, a reason to live and breathe. if it's not better on the other side, i'll have to re think, re plan, whatever, but i'll cross that bridge when i come to it. nevertheless, if i'm not 100% better after i've overcome these influences, at least i have overcome them, and i have no doubt things will become clearer once i'm free of them, and life will improve, even if it's only by 1%. progress is progress.
no matter what anyone says, marriages never recover from betrayal. it will hang over your head forever. the most you can do now is confess, and ask for him to forgive you.
you made a bad choice, you can't justify what you've done. the only right thing to do is tell your husband, what happens after that will be mostly up to him. if it were me, i'd divorce you.
your other option is to keep it a secret. that would be another bad choice, if you did that, you would end up torturing yourself until you confess later, hurting him even more. the sooner you tell him the sooner the result is clear....it will end bad for you. you should face the music, you don't deserve him, but it's all up to you. hopefully confessing to us means you do want to do the right thing.
i think i should also tell you that regardless of how judgemental we seem, accepting that you have made a mistake and confessing what you've done, would be a brave thing to do. there will be other people on this site who will respect that, so don't be afraid to share what you decide to do next.
you made a bad choice, you can't justify what you've done. the only right thing to do is tell your husband, what happens after that will be mostly up to him. if it were me, i'd divorce you.
your other option is to keep it a secret. that would be another bad choice, if you did that, you would end up torturing yourself until you confess later, hurting him even more. the sooner you tell him the sooner the result is clear....it will end bad for you. you should face the music, you don't deserve him, but it's all up to you. hopefully confessing to us means you do want to do the right thing.
i think i should also tell you that regardless of how judgemental we seem, accepting that you have made a mistake and confessing what you've done, would be a brave thing to do. there will be other people on this site who will respect that, so don't be afraid to share what you decide to do next.
hmmmm...you're never really alone, maybe there's someone right there that you just need to open up to a little more. could be a friend, could be family...you will definitely have a purpose in life by having a child, but wait til it's the right time. wait until you're prepared to bring a child into a world where you can guarantee a quality of life for them. no offense, but maybe look back at your choices and use your experience to ensure they have a better life than you've had. can you do that right now?
yeah, don't do it. hard for me to say cos i was like you not long ago, but at the moment, i'm thinking clearly. so i will just tell you that things will get better oneday, have a little patience, get some focus. even if you use anger as a motivator to drive you towards a goal you set yourself.
do i still wish i was dead? Yes
am i going to kill myself? No
once you make a little progress, you will see that things can change. you may never be the same again, but you can get better.
you might disagree, and i can't stop you going thru with your plans, but i've been where you are, and i probably will experience it again. hopefully i will find a way thru those clouded thoughts. thing's aren't as black and white as they seem for you right now, find a little bit of grey.
do i still wish i was dead? Yes
am i going to kill myself? No
once you make a little progress, you will see that things can change. you may never be the same again, but you can get better.
you might disagree, and i can't stop you going thru with your plans, but i've been where you are, and i probably will experience it again. hopefully i will find a way thru those clouded thoughts. thing's aren't as black and white as they seem for you right now, find a little bit of grey.