nessanikki

last year i purchased one on ebay. it's over 60 years old. i've never wanted one, but something about it being an antique intrigued me. i thought it was beautiful. my friends and i had planned on going to new orleans for my birthday, which is halloween. we were going to ghost hunt. i did a lot of research about different hotels and finally booked one that was once a civil war hospital. i found so many stories about it and requested to be in the most haunted building of the hotel. well, i left the board in the box in my closet. a couple weeks before our trip my mom told me that she had this horrible feeling about the board. she said i don't know what it is, but i don't think you should take it with you to new orleans. and this sorta freaked me out. everyone in my family is very in tune. we all have these feelings and dreams and we often predict things. which that freaked me out when i was little. it was hard to deal with as a kid. so, i asked her if i should get rid of it. and she said, no, i think you should keep it just don't take it with you. so it's still in my closet in the box. and everytime i get in a my closet i see it and i want to pull it out but i don't. and i HAVE to have my closet closed all the time. i'm 26. and very comfortable in the dark. i'm not easily scared. but there is something about it that scares me a little. so i can't tell you if you should or should not do it. i have done quite a bit of research on them. i suggest you do the same to help you make a decision. there are certain things that you're suppose to do cleanse the board before starting. also you're suppsose to say a prayer. just search some stuff on it. it can't hurt to be more informed.

the advice i want to give you first is don't compare yourself to your friends. you would be amazed if you were a fly on the wall in their houses. i guarantee their lives aren't all they seem. every family has their problems. have you told your parents how much it hurts you that they fight and put you in the middle? if not, maybe you should tell them that it really affects you and not in a positive way. it's not pleasant to have to go through it. you're not alone, though. have you heard the pink song, family portrait? i was never really into pop music, but i heard that song and it really hit home for me. i started finding comfort in music. finding music that really told my story. sometimes people don't listen, and that's all you really want. i suggest telling your friend, look it is bad. i'm not asking for you to assess the situation, i just want someone to listen to me and be there for me. someone that is for me, not against me. if she's a REAL friend, she will take notice and start being there for you. also, something else you may want to try is volunteering. it may not be something you want to do, but sometimes if you do things out of your comfort zone it puts real perspective on your life. sometimes it's so hard to find positive things in life when we're constantly surrounded by negative. so start helping those that are less fortunate than yourself. i found that contributing to help others gave my life so much more meaning. and there's always someone out there that has it worse. you may not see it in a way that you would think. i used to think my life was horrible. my mom was a single mom raising me and my brother. we both have different fathers. he doesn't know his father and mine was an alcoholic wife beater. thank god my mom was smart enough to get out of that situation. my father never wanted anything to do with me, but i kept trying. my mom got hurt and had to have surgery and i went from having a pretty sweet life to us being on welfare. it's humiliating. now looking back i know she was far more embarrassed than we were. she worked 2 jobs after that just to get by. after my brother moved out, my mom and i lived with my grandparents. we shared a room. i was 12 at the time. my grandpa was a WW2 vet and was clinically insane. if he threatened to shoot you if you didn't shut up, you better believe him. we had to pee in a bucket at night cuz the bathroom was past his bedroom and we didn't want to wake him. later on in life, i never had the things my friends had. then i got a job and started getting those things. well, i still struggled with my crazy mom and a dad that didn't want me. by this time, i had already become an alcoholic at 16, and been raped. i was into drugs and really suicidal. i've battled with depression off and on now for the past 9-10 years. i'm 25 now. my father killed his wife and himself last november. and i'm still here. and i love life. i'm glad i'm here. it's hard to see past those things, but you're strong. you'll make it. just keep your head up. who knows, maybe you'll be the one to inspire your parents to be better parents. and be nice to each other. or you'll inspire people around you and you'll be able to look back one day and tell someone just like yourself, "keep your head up and be strong, you'll make it."

wow! you're thin, creative, and average-looking. there are girls killing themselves to be exactly what you are. you can't compare yourself to your sister. you are an individual. a unique person with gifts to offer the world. sometimes when i read these postings i get so confused....and inspired. if someone that is thin, creative, and average can still feel inadequate then i know that me being thin isn't going to change anything. i've never been thin. and my whole life i've wanted to be thin. you get to a point where you quit beating yourself up about it and start loving yourself. and what you'll find out in life and probably don't know now, or at least don't realize it, is everyone has their insecurities. one of my best friends is half my size. she thinks she's so fat. she doesn't show off her body at all. she's GORGEOUS! she has no clue. i tell her all the time if i had her body i would be showin it off! it's something i've wanted my whole life. but she tells me when i say that, "you're so beautiful, though. and smart and funny. and blah, blah, blah". but i believe her when she tells me that. it doesn't matter what you look like, everyone wishes they could change something about themselves. which makes us all striving for the same thing essentially. comformity and belonging. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!! look in the mirror and find one thing that you love about yourself. and everyday admire it. then find another thing about yourself you love and start admiring it in the mirror. don't become conceited....but just start loving yourself. and if you can't do the whole package, start with one part.