Just tell her you love her.
Why waste all this time posting secrets and doubting shit and pining away when you could just say it and be done with it?
Also, if all you care about is marriage and that is what is holding you back then you can't REALLY love her.
What about just cat 'staches?
LPJ:
I'm glad I'm not alone
<3
I keep trying to get past this, it's so tiring. I'm just so damned tired all the time. No motivation. For anything. Works, friends, family, writing.
I just want to stay in bed.
Some days it changes, and I feel I'm getting better. I'm actually happy then.
I just wish things could heal quicker. I'm tired of being a wreck.
Tell your mom or I will.