You're right on one point. Sometimes nothing is okay. Sometimes everything sucks. I've been on this site for almost three years now, since I was seventeen--so basically, if you want a laundry list of all the shit I've been through, from psychological disorders to eating disorders, it's there backlogged in my posted secrets. I know what it's like to go through difficult stuff and have the psychiatric bills to prove it. So yeah. Sometimes nothing is okay and everything sucks and life is hard and no one understands. Everyone here gets that.
You do want pity. You want sympathy. You want attention. Otherwise you wouldn't fucking be here. That's seriously the only reason people seek out sites like this--it doesn't even matter if they're trolls or not, we're all sad, lonely people who desperately want attention. I am for sure.
And yeah, you can post whatever you want. You can say whatever you want and do whatever you want and think whatever you want. Acknowledging that doesn't absolve you of responsibility for the consequences, though. And one of the consequences of acting like an asshole is your staggeringly low self-esteem. You feel shitty because you act shitty. You say you want to be the person everyone hates because that's easier than changing the way you act and actually being happy. And, worst of all, you're letting one breakup destroy you.
People are insanely resilient. If I can go through a childhood of neglect and emotional abuse, three major deaths within ten years, depression, and an eating disorder and come out scarred but still whole on the other side, I have total confidence that you can come out of a breakup intact. That doesn't mean it'll be easy. It'll be a lot of hard work and you'll probably need some help along the way, but once you get tired of wallowing in self-pity and are actually ready to acknowledge that maybe you need to change something about yourself, I have no doubt that you can do it.
Life sucks most of the time. Most people have to work for every scrap of happiness they have. Your suffering and misery isn't unique and you aren't special and any after-school special that told you otherwise was a load of crap. Get over it. No one wants to hate you. So stop wallowing in self-pity, accept that you want attention and sympathy (hint: it's what everyone wants 100% of the time), and get the fuck over it.
Ok, I don't even care if you're joking; it's not okay to say anyone should get raped. EVER. Not okay.
Anyway, I think you need to spend some time reflecting/introspecting and just kind of figure out who you want to be? I mean, everyone has conflicting parts of themselves, but I guess what I'm trying to say is more that you should work on figuring out what you want to do most with your life, and pursue that. It's okay to need to get away from your family, and it's okay to engage in whatever sexual behavior you want to, as long as everything's consensual and everyone's comfortable and knows exactly what's going on. Fooling around is fine. Serial monogamy is fine. Waiting until marriage is fine. Being abstinent your entire life is fine. Your sex life is strictly between you and your partner(s) and anyone who says otherwise needs to get a fucking hobby or something because they're way too concerned with what other people are doing with their genitals.
I digress, but basically, spend some time with yourself, figure out what you want most, go after it, and flip the bird to anyone who tries to stop you.
I agree that she's confused and needs to work some stuff out. That doesn't make suggesting that someone should get raped even remotely close to okay, and the fact that you're not joking only makes it a million times worse.
See now, that's what I'm telling myself. It's just that my stupid still-teenage hormones aren't listening.
So you definitely aren't better off dead. No one is. And if you're seriously suicidal then you need more help then you can get from a dumb website overrun with emotionally volatile teenagers (and I'm including myself in that category).
But if don't actually feel that way, then dude. I'm not surprised you're miserable. If you're even fractionally as douchey in real life as you are on here, then you're going to be miserable. Plain and simple.
Let's face it--the world is only interested in what it can get from you. All that matters is what you put into the world. All of society is based around people needing things and other people providing those things. So if you're not filling the needs of anyone else, then society has no fucking use for you. And, unsurprisingly, no one needs someone to be an asshole towards them. That's not a service anyone wants.
So it's no wonder that you're miserable. You're not filling the needs of anyone else, thus no one else wants you around. And honestly, it doesn't matter that much if you're nice or mean or polite or honest or anything at all on the inside. The inside isn't worth shit, no matter what they told you in elementary school. It's what's on the outside that matters to other people. And your outside is shit. And you don't want to change it because it's warm and familiar and change is difficult. Misery is easy. Misery is the lazy way out. Because to be miserable, all you have to do is nothing. As soon as you start doing something, anything at all, and producing something that other people need, you'll be that much less miserable.
TL;DR: Once you stop acting like shit, you'll stop feeling like shit.